What about his consequence???

One of the things that is so hurtful and maddening in dealing with personality disordered souls, is that when it's all said and done-they move on, apparently unscathed, seeming not to care, able to sleep, able to eat-and most likely with someone else.


As we feel despair the likes of which we've probably never felt in life before-they are 'fine'. In fact, they often rub that into our faces, particularly when they are LAUGHING. Laughing at our pain, our suffering and making a mockery of us.

Often this is what drives us to thoughts of revenge. We are driven to a madness because of all the crazymaking and hurt that has been done, and they get away with it. Scott -free. Essentially, they get away with emotional molestation and mind rape.

I wrote in an earlier post that this is a huge part of our pain-especially the burden of "proof" that seems to be on us, as they do walk away, calm, cool and collected, leaving us in shatters looking like we ARE the very "crazy" that he's blabbed all over town that we are. I wrote that in this situation, what can we do? It's not like there is emotional abuse court. There is no National Coalition Against Domestic Psychological Abuse."

Thanks to an article posted within a comment here by Julie-well, I may end up eating those words, and I would savor every bite.

I invited you to look at this article-if for nothing more, some hope. France is recognizing that emotional violence is AS BAD and IS a pre-cursor to more overt forms of abuse-and they may be setting out to do something about it.

You know why you should blog? For that reason. To keep a journal? For that reason. To tell your family and friends? You guessed it-DOCUMENTATION.

Because I will tell you something right now-that article alone almost had me thinking of getting a lawyer and suing the psycho that drove me to writing this blog.

After all-I am no Steven King, I couldn't of made up this shit if I tried.

And prior to the blog-I wrote a story of the relationship. No fiction, no embellishment, and people who could collaborate it, too. I did it because it was therapeutic, but had I known I could do it to give him that 'consequence'-I would of done that, too. People sue each other every day in the US for the most petty and bullshit of things. Finally, something that is worthy of restitution, and that could spare another woman from the clutches of these jerks. No, it may not "cure" an abuser, it may not "stop" one. What it will do is be on his record and other women will be aware of his history. It may not prevent her from being involved.....BUT....I think that for those of us who have been hit by this sort of psychological warfare-it is the checkmate needed to re-empower us in some form, and hey-if ALL the women they dated did this, maybe they'd be some sort of "repeat offender" and there would be more severe consequences.

I don't know how it would work, but you can't drive a car without a valid license, and if you keep getting moving violations you have to pay fines, higher insurance, etc. Some system like that might be just what the world needs, for the psychos committing emotional crimes.

I will be watching this closely to see how it develops, but YEA FRANCE!!!!!

How bout we pitch this to the state of California? They always set the precedent here in the states.....

http://womensrights.change.org/blog/view/france_proposes_tagging_psychological_abuse_measures_against_domestic_violence


Thanks again to Julie for posting this article. This really made my day!

Game #18 Married or not, isolation occurs

There are some differences of course, between being married to a psycho, and just dating one. I will address being married vs dating, because I have had plenty of friends actually married to psychos, and there's some things they go thru that luckily, we who just date them, haven't. Yet at the same time, dating them can often be psychologically worse, only because to the outer world, no "real" relationship seems to be happening.

Even if there is traditional "dating", that is, you see each other a lot, you spend the weekends at his place or his yours, you've met a few of each others friends....there's a newer level of dating on the horizon now, and that is, the technological relationship. I never thought I'd see the day, where I can literally not say a word all day, but have still communicated with 30 different people. Whether its email, Facebook messaging, chat rooms, instant messengers, Skype, text messaging...the end result is that it is quite possible to have a full-scale "relationship" via technology. Including "stalking" your social network pages.

I had a long distance involvement once that utilized this. Almost every day, we would yahoo message. In that client, you can also send pictures, videos, and have webcam chats. Not only could we see each other while we chatted, but he was technologically inclined and via his "nanny cams", I was able to see a tour of his whole house. Cellphones also afford the opportunities for this, using camera, video functions and of course, texting. Words of love, sharing of intimate problems and/or experiences, arguing and yes, even sex, can happen "virtually.' Since its all so new, I think it will be awhile until we see books written on what I call "cyberpsychology". but I can tell you that these relationships are occurring with more frequency, and it is probably one of the psycho's favorites ways to control people, and be in a relationship with them. Especially if you find yourself having an affair with one, this is how they can suck you in without bringing risk to their "real" world-well, that is, unless they are Tiger Woods. There is also something about the written word, in that people don't feel as "shy" as they do in real life, hence, your psycho may have gotten very detailed about his life, sex, or other "confessions of feelings" that he may not have been as comfortable sharing for real. So it can feel very intimate even thru an electronic medium.

In any event, keeping you tethered to them via electronic appliances is a very effective way to isolate. the more traditional ways of course are to move you away from friends and family if you are married, and a few other games if you are actually living with him that I'll get into later. If you are just dating,he might keep you at bay and not attend your social functions and always be "busy" when it comes to meeting your friends or family, never seems to want to go out with you publicly and hang out with your group of people, and always an excuse not to bring you to their family functions, or for you to meet "the guys." You hear about people and they are like characters in his life you just know of, yet can't put a face to. And how much easier is it to lie and bullshit behind a screen of some sort? VERY. They just LOVE this. Like I explained elsewhere, its so invasive, they can literally contact you 24 hours a day and control you, because if you dont respond to them right away, they can easily accuse YOU of being up to no good. So they get you primed to be there at their beck and call, the cell chirp of "new message" now has turned you into a Pavlov dog.

If you find that the majority of your relationship is spent texting each other everyday, and texting and online communication more than real interaction, he's using a couple different games here.

The number one is the one I went over already which is the "crack hit" game of only showing up in person occasionally, usually during a "hoover", which literally gets your brain condition to feel addicted to him and to "crave" seeing him again. He can keep you bound to him and keep his tabs on your via texting, so you still feel "connected" and it heightens seeing him again, especially if he dives into "sex texting." The anticipation of hooking up with him for real is intensified that much further. The second obvious game here is isolation. By constantly texting or chatting online with you, he can effectively manipulate you into believing you are "together" yet to the outer world, there IS no real relationship.

This makes it very easy for him to conduct more than one relationship at a time, to hide whether he is involved somewhere else or not, and so you look absolutely insane when you try to describe to other people what he's doing to you and how he's treating you in your "relationship". When people can't even take you two seriously, because they've never really seen you together, and the people in his life don't even know you exists-well, he has won when in the end, he can claim "we were never even in a relationship, we weren't even together really" and also when he can say to HIS people "This chick is crazy. She keeps texting me and calling me as if we were together, but we never committed, hell, I only saw her a handful of times in the past 6 months!"

If you have failed to save texts (hopefully, you have an Iphone like phone that will keep your text from someone for like, ever) then you literally have no "proof" that this relationship even happened. The only "witnesses" are your friends, those who you've raved and gushed to about him, bitched to about him, who question "why the hell haven't we met this dude?" and you defend with all the excuses he's given you.

It's happening, kids. These virtual, cyber, "invisible" relationships which are just as real, intense and abusive as any "traditional" relationship, are developing more and more. If you are dating a psycho in this manner, and you are not ready to get out of it, or you still think there's hope-whatever the case-start saving your text. Save emails. The ones he's sends, and the one's YOU send. This is where psycho's aren't really that smart.....because they have literally made it possible to document and have notes that clearly show the manipulations, games and insanity that is them. Hey-if it weren't for that, this blog wouldn't be as possible, believe me.