When he "dumps" you.....devalue and discard

The luckiest thing you can have happen to you ironically, is if they dump you. It will happen as quickly as they started the relationship with you-with no warning, no reason, no hint. You will be shocked with it. One minute they will be planning a vacation with you, the next minute they are moving their things out of the house. They will cruelly tell you that they don’t love you, aren’t sure they ever did, you don’t make them happy, and that they are done. Or you will learn that they are with someone else and then when you confront them, they bail. They leave, they change their phone number, they delete their email-they simply disappear.

If you are married, you will be served with divorce papers when just the day before, he gave you a kiss on the cheek and promised a romantic dinner with you over the weekend. You never saw it coming, it was like a tornado hit you, your mind is reeling and spinning from the wind that is blowing, the emotional shrapnel to you. Typically, it comes during a period of “peace.” It is meant to be shocking, to pull the rug from underneath your world, to leave you in a state of suspended animation.

With this, he can maneuver and connive and take things from right under your nose, while you are in the grips of the psychic shock. Bank accounts are cleaned out, wills changed, life insurance policies altered, children taken, names taken off of things, credit cards closed or maxed out-they don’t just leave you, but they leave you with a big FUCK YOU, and you never did anything to deserve it. You desperately try to reason and communicate, to even get a “break up” speech-what did you do, why are they doing this? In which is crazy in and of itself, because you should be well glad to be rid of him, and you yourself contemplated leaving him.

In this manner of leaving you, it is once again a way to doubt yourself, take the blame and fall victim to being the abuser-after all, you must’ve been horrible for him to leave you in this way. When you finally emerge from the shock and awe, your emotional paralysis subsiding, you find yourself in a rage and anger the likes of which you didn’t realize you had in you. Your own anger and rage scares you, and now you are determined with all of your might, to make him pay.

Moving on from the damage, pt 2

My apologies, I have a family member in the hospital and my signal was not so great at my new place. But, my relative is doing much better, being released and internet problems fixed, so now I hope to get back to blogging consistently. Thanks to those who wrote with encouraging words.

So now you’ve decided to leave him. The truth is, sometimes they hope you will end it, so then he’d have more reason to feel sorry for himself, more self pity so then the next woman that came along could hear his sad story about YOU. And to throw it back in your face-because if you are the one who ended it, what are you so upset about? Why are you coming back around with unsolved questions? You dumped him, remember? You just hurt HIM. You didn’t want him, you rejected him, you weren’t patient enough, understanding enough, and you left him, and gave up on him. But understand something: He won’t let you be the one to end it.

Some will do whatever he can to have you take him back- the "hoovering" and then he will cruelly and viciously dump you. If he is unable to get that chance, then no matter the truth-the next woman to come along will be told that “I ended it with her", about you. If you truly end it, trust me, he will vacillate back and forth between the “You dumped and hurt me!” to twisting it around again, blaming his abuse to you to be that he just didn’t want you, something wasn’t there, he tried, he rejected YOU but because he was “afraid” to hurt you, he didn’t know how to come right out, sit you down and be honest with you, because he was afraid of what you would do if he truly hurt you and let you down like that. Yes, he’s THAT good at psychological warfare, that by the time you’re done, even when YOU are ending it, he makes you feel that HE was the one who really wanted out.

And he will convince everyone outside of the two of you of this as well. The whole “She didn’t fire me, I quit!’ mentality, stripping you of your dignity and your right to stand up for yourself, to feel proud of yourself that you were strong enough to throw him away and get better. No one leaves him-he decides when you can go.

You know-he’s the DECIDER. You will pay for ending with him in some way, some form. But if you have been successful in your attempts to expose him, have anything “on him”, and he truly realizes you are not the women to “fuck with” anymore, will he leave you be, and leave you. As hard as it is, you also have to do the same. Not because he deserves it-he deserves all your wrath and then some, and you feel like you could tell him off for the next 20 years and never take a break-you have to stop. For no other reason than HE DOESN'T CARE.

He’s not listening. If you are reduced to writing him, he’s not reading your words. He reads them but doesn’t GET IT. He will then frustrate you further, as he denies not receiving your texts, claims to be deleting them before reading them, and the same with email. Don’t believe this. After many times of denying, I finally utilized “read receipt” on texts and email notifications-when they were opened and how long they were opened for without his knowledge, just to prove to myself that I’m not crazy. Considering that I’ve been with 3 men like this who all say and do the same things-trust me, they are paying attention. Their paranoia alone has them curious and wondering where they stand with you and what you may be “scheming” up.