Psychos are Sluts

True. Never minding the double-standard that exist when you are younger, that when men bed down many females, it's a boon to their reputation, if women do the same, it's a mar on theirs. While it may be different for men, there are many men on the planet that do have some self-worth and taste, who are particular about whom they mate with, even if it's a one-night stand. Over all. Barring the few times of "beer goggles."

In general, most men have standards for themselves, and won't lower them just because they can "get some". MEN. (Younger boys may not apply to this rule.) As grown adults however, these standards seem to fade as BOTH sexes are view discouragingly for being promiscuous. Let's face it.....if you are over the age of 30 and still unable to keep your pants on, then it's safe to say, you have issues.

I'm not talking about sleeping with someone too quickly, or having a "friend with benefits." I'm talking about the lack of standards and taste in WHOM they sleep with. A psycho will sleep with a drunk, a druggie, a married woman, a woman with a boyfriend. They will sleep with women who have 8 children by 5 different men, with women who look like they are about to give birth to their 8th child in the 9th month but really-it's just a beer gut. They will sleep with a woman who is half their age, or twice their age. Race, color, religion, background-they don't care. They don't care if she is a horrible mother, a horrible friend, or a horrible person to THEM.....if it comes onto them, they will bed it down. Even other men.( But that will remain a BIG SECRET.)

They will sleep with any woman that so much as says "boo" to them. They tend to take a compliment from a female and run with it....exclaiming that the complimentary woman "wants me." They are the pickiest people on the planet. From what they will eat, wear, drink, watch, do, how they clean, what they drive, brand names, to what music they like, movies they will watch-never will you meet people with so many pet peeves, dislikes and eccentricities about trivial things....EXCEPT WHO THEY SLEEP WITH. That's not to say that they don't get lucky once in awhile and get a really hot woman....it's just that they don't really care if she is or isn't, as long as she's showing an interest in him.

Incredibly....they will also brag about all of this, and give it names, ie, when he was with the woman in the trailer park he was "trailer trolling" or the very obese woman, he was "hogging". This is not to say that women who live in trailer parks are unattractive, or that obese women are not attractive. You have to understand that they follow this with "the woman in the trailer park that did a bunch of coke in front of me" or the "fat chick who was blowing some guy earlier in the night at the bar". So it's not about where she lives or how she looks, its more about character.

Now, in the case of a narcissist......its a bit different. They are extremely exacting in whom they will involve themselves with. It is a back-handed compliment to have a narcissist initially enamored with you-because they are the most superficially judgmental people on the planet. They surround themselves with attractive people, because it is a reflection of their worth.

If a narcissist is into you, you are probably above average looking.....but don't worry, they will be picky about something you DO or SAY, instead. With just a psycho, their ability to never be discerning in their choice of intimate partners is certainly NO compliment. This makes us feel even less valued, wanted or desired...because if he can be with the woman who is missing alot of teeth, loud, with muscles, tattoos and cellulite all over her-why then does he make us feel so bad about our OWN flaws?

That's one of the maddening things we don't catch right away. He will actually try and make us feel bad about our own looks and sexuality, will point out what is attractive in other females (hallmarking their innate insensitivity)-BUT-when you see or hear about some of the women they have allowed themselves to have "flings" with........it's pretty sad.

It makes you wonder how on Earth he could possibly find fault with you, as you are apparently, one of the best things he's had in a LONG time. Some will say it is their chronic low-self esteem and insecurities that feels safe and in control with a woman who is not desirable to any self-respecting man, but to me, I think their egos are so distended and crazy that it is the POWER, not the sex, that makes them not care who they are intimate with.

I have no doubt that the transmission of sexual diseases began mostly with the personality disordered.....because remember, they also don't give a shit about protecting themselves, either. One could say they either hate themselves that much that they don't care if they become ill or die-(and that could be just from some crazy guy coming to kill them for messing around with their woman)-or, they think they are THAT invincible that mere mortal disease couldn't possibly get them. Either way.....no matter how attractive they may be, they tend to "sex down" and are pretty gross when you really think about it. Its a shame they can't apply the same exacting standards to their conquest as they do to us.

edit: I'm having editing problems tonight, so I apologize for the variation in the fonts and the sizes. Then again, its rather appropriate for the topic;)

Game #24: Fuck Buddies

By now, his distance, contradictions, passive-aggressive behavior (and I will get more into passive-aggressive behavior later) has you wondering if he just doesn’t have the balls to end it with you. Maybe he doesn’t know how, doesn’t want to hurt you, or he’s too afraid of commitment. So you actually hand to him a way to end it with you, if that’s what he’s really looking for.

You do this by becoming the “cool girl.” You offer him yourself now without the commitment. You think maybe he just doesn’t want to tell you that he’s changed his mind about you, and because he’s already been so contradictory in word and now action, you just want to know for sure how he feels about you. You are essentially, insecure about where you stand with him.

You are now making it easy for him to dump you. You want to buffer the blow and give him permission to break your heart, because what you don’t see realistically, is if he were a good man, he’d go ahead and break your heart and tell you honestly that he doesn’t want a serious relationship with you and would like to date others. He is telling you that, but in a very passive -aggressive way. Of course he’s not going to ever be direct about his feelings and wants, needs,-because then you may decide that you have your own wants, feelings and needs that differ and go counter against what he wants you to feel. In other words, if he was honest and direct,-you might stop sleeping with him, giving him stuff, being with him altogether. This is part of his controlling you.
Whatever your reasons -you gave him an out. You gave him the chance to say “I like you, I like being with you, but I don’t see it going anywhere.“ You suggested that he may not lose you entirely over that, that you were willing to accept you both seeing other people and dating others if he’s not ready for a serious relationship. In the back of your mind, you are hoping that by being this “cool chick”, he will notice your cool factor and become totally devoted to you for being the cool one. Not seeing that he is the one who is being very UNCOOL.

He still insists-“It’s not like that“. He does feel for you. He does see you as more than a casual affair. “Let’s just say this is more than just a piece of ass to me and leave it at that” he will tell you. He can see himself going in all the way with you and he wants to be sure, he exclaims. He knows the two of you “fit.” Even refers to you that way sexually-you are his “perfect fit.”
Thus, you believe him because a) You want to, it IS what you want to hear and what you want from him and b) You want to, it IS what you want to hear and what you want from him. He sucks you in so quickly and things go so fast, that you don’t even step back and see how odd this is, and that you have essentially given him a commitment and a promise to him, yet he has not done the same back….maybe he hasn’t even taken you out to dinner yet. He only implies this “commitment” and “relationship” by saying that he “doesn’t want anyone else but you.” Then acts and says subtle contradictory things to that. If he thinks there’s something you want to hear, he’ll say it-then just as quickly seems to renege on it all. Seems to have doubts. More contradictions. Contradictions that will come full force, the longer you stay involved.

You are infatuated, you want to give him a chance, you want to believe his excuses at face value, and you want to believe that you aren’t being used for sex and that you mean more to him than some casual encounter. He will tell you that you know him better than most-and you actually think that you DO know him, given how much sensitive information he seems to share with you about him. You’ve released any pressure you believe he might be feeling about you, by suggesting that you could be casual, date others, it’s not a big deal, you aren’t that involved, it’s okay if he is honest and lets you down easy. You can take it.

Here’s another part of that game: He knows this isn’t the case. No matter how much you try and bs yourself, he knows that you couldn’t handle just being a friend with benefits. You’re past that point and you’ve been way more intimate than any fuck buddy would be. So, he’s afraid you may in fact come to realize that yourself -that you can‘t handle just being a bed partner-and hence, stop sleeping with him. He’s not risking that. And most importantly here-if he were to say that’s all he is really looking for, then he also has to run the risk of sharing you with other men, and you leaving him for someone else, or simply ending it with altogether. He doesn’t get rejected. He does the rejecting. He didn’t lie to you when he said he doesn’t like to share. So he won't "agree" to casually dating you, even though he has no intentions of committing really, to you now-or maybe even ever.

He will never give YOU the option of leaving him, for any reason. He knows you won’t be able to sustain a “casual” deal-he sees that you are already sucked in, no matter how much you may protest different. He knows you think you are “in love”, even if you’ve never said a word to him. So, the only way to continue to have control over you and get whatever he wants until he meets someone else or is bored with you-is to keep you in this game.

Hopefully, he won’t throw back in your face later when he remembers you willing to give him this “out” that you must have something wrong with you being able to just have “fuck buddies.” That’s a guy thing. Girls who do that in his mind-there’s something wrong with them. Even though it’s thanks to girls like that, that he even gets laid all the time. For now though, he’s convinced you that it’s YOU he wants to be that great man to, you are the one he wants to be with. He only wants to be with you. You know this seems odd as hell-but again, you let it slide. This could also be used against you at a later date, if you suspect him of being with another, and/or hear through the grapevine, and/or he lets it slip in subtle ways (examples provided later)-and then he will remind you that you were "Cool" with seeing others and that "he never committed." More head spinning and stomach turning for you.

So, now that his words have convinced you of his intent and love for you, he will begin to accept every good thing you set out and/or continue to do for him. But he is distance, and isn’t as available to you. If he did take the plunge and you now live together-there’s a distance. He’s absent a lot. And you sit back with the patience of a saint, just giving him ‘time.’

Sex and the psycho, part 2

No Glove, No Love

These men hates condoms. A big reason they don’t like to wear condoms is, it isn’t about a nicer sensation without it. It is in fact, the “power” to implant “themselves” inside a female.

If he thinks he can get away with it-he will not use one with you. If you are like me and hypnotized by his spell cast on you, you will take this as a sign of his fidelity and his trust in you and commitment. That he must really care, and especially when he thinks its romantic that you will have him dripping out of you all day, or him lining the insides of your uterus, or he can look at you in a crowded room of men and know that you have HIM all up in your grill. He will tell you things like that.

However those are the real reasons. Its’ about him. He is so power hungry that he will risk getting you pregnant, or catching a sexually transmitted disease, because it turns him on that his seed is germinating somewhere near your cervix. He also implies at the time, that having a love child with you wouldn’t be so bad, that he would never abandon you or said child if you should happen to get pregnant. Some abusers actually try to get females pregnant, because it is even more power for them-and ensures at least 18 more years of having someone around to wield power and control, and gain supply from. Conversely, and sadly, some women feel that having his child might in fact, change him, and that he will do the right things by her and for his child, the child being the impetus for him to change.

However, with many abusers, if you are only dating and your relationship has not reached the level of “boyfriend/girlfriend commitment”, if you were to ever get pregnant or have a pregnancy scare-watch how fast he tries to talk you out of having said child. He’s all about him inside you, but watch how much he doesn’t want to watch part of him running around outside you. Naturally, you too are risking it if you are not on birth control and with the way he is, the risk factor for STD’s is high, but you are like Alice in Wonderland right now and take the whole thing as you two are that together.

He could then turns this around on you, and say that it bothers him and he doesn’t like the fact that you are let him sleep with you without a condom! He thinks YOUR crazy for it. Granted, if you knew the truth of him you are…but when you point out that he’s being a hypocrite- he shuts you down. And if he suddenly goes from not wearing condoms with you to insisting that you do-that could be a sign that there is someone else in his life that he is out to control. If you should suddenly realize that he may not be honest and start insisting on condoms, he will either a) get angry that you don't trust him or b) accuse YOU of sleeping around. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Like with everything else concerning your psycho.

Game # 10: Love is the drug A MUST READ

He is now beginning to play the game of "cat and mouse." After your arguments, he shows up or entices with suggestive texts, phone calls or what have-you-for some make up sex. Of course, the sex is awesome, right? He seems to be able to show his "love" for you via the bedroom, and you are all too happy to comply.

Guess what is happening here? Your own brain is working against you. Endophrines are released in your brain-like Dopamine, for example-with each of these "kiss and make-up" trysts. Dopamine is the neurotransmitter in the brain that is the addictive component to drugs. Are you following me here? This hit and quit that he does-shows up for some passionate lovemaking, throws in the "i'm sorry's" I will try harders-make you wanting for more. HE KNOWS IT. But this is no mere playing "hard to get". This is intentional, this is purposeful, and YES this can happen if you are married to him. He will often deny you sex, or, he will "give in", which you greedily lap up like a drug addict taking in a hit. You are being preened to become a Pavol's dog of sorts....where sex is now something you come to crave, because it represents all that you want from him: Approval, love, acceptance, "good." In time, he will have you so "conditioned" and "trained", that you may find yourself doing things sexually with and for him, you never thought you'd do. All while believing this is the best sex of your life.

This is especially effective if in the beginning of your relationship, you had ALOT of sex. He then isn't giving it out as much. Or he's teasing you, or he's too tired....he's witholding it. So now, when you get your 'crack hit of dick", you are even more pliable putty in his hands.

You realize, you don’t even sleep with him as often, or see him as often.  This is the “hook.” And it’s the same thing as addiction. These bread crumbs of bullshit that have you following his lead, these moments of tenderness, these tiny glimpses of seeming normality, vulnerability or a heart and soul that you get-is like a high.  During the high, you no longer question it all. You fully accept his explanations, you are “tripping” essentially that this “good man underneath it all” is who he really is, and you feel hope, promise and happiness that if you hold out, you will get more. You are his lab rat. You hang onto any feeble compliment he’s been able to give you, even though if you are honest with yourself, you realize that the compliments are mostly sexual in nature. He wants you to feel secure with that, (though watch how you are around other men)-so you will give him more of it. He has no problem “feeding your ego” in this manner-for now-because that’s the card he hopes you will play. This is further complicated by your own brain releasing these chemicals during these times.

    So far, you’ve only been able to manage being sexually satisfying to him-and now you are even wondering that- so of course, you are going to continue to do so and be bound and determined to hold onto that card. And now with this “high”, you are distorted, inebriated, under the influence, intoxicated-and of course, it feels good. It’s a relief, like an emotional Vicodin for the emotional pain he causes. A moment of being pain-free. So of course, when the pain comes back, you hold out for the promise of more “Emotional Vicodin.” Like an addict, he keeps you wanting more, with you denying the effect its having on your life, not seeing how it is destroying your health, your looks, your sanity, you think you “need him”, you think you “want him” and you wait and wait for another moment of him getting you “high.”

    And guess what? He knows it. That’s the game. Which is why if you stop calling him, texting him, stop seeing him or threatening to divorce him, and imploring with him like you would a dealer when you have a little money and a BIG craving-he will offer the hit to remind you of what your missing.

Like a drug using friend who doesn’t want to see you get clean, they will say “Hey, you are upset, come on, I got some stuff. A little more won’t hurt you. You don’t need to quit, just control it more. You don’t have a problem.” Or ,“You don’t really want to leave me, do you? I know you care about me/love me.”  If you should suggest that yes, but you don’t know if he feels the same, he will roll his eyes and answer it with a “Would I put up with all this bullshit and crazy crap if I didn’t?” Would I go through this all for sex? I can get sex anywhere.”  Would I be married to you if I didn’t love you? Again, you are given the implied threat that there are other women willing to please and service him, you should feel flattered and honored that he’s picking you. Notice the subtly of how he’s being a martyr-this “crazy crap” is certainly not coming from him.  If you still aren’t sure or you argue that point- he’ll go further.

     He might do that in a way like, “I know I gave you reason to be upset. I know I have treated you like shit. You don’t deserve this. C’mon can’t you just forget about it and forgive me? I want you to get past this so we can be together. It’s not you, its my problems, you have done no wrong!”-until next time, when the “come down” happens, when you “crash”-and he devalues you again. He raises you up, just to throw you down. The back forth/up and down/hot and cold/tit for tat/cat and mouse/ignore and chase/love and hate/soothe and abuse cycle is all he can offer you. Any resemblance to a real, loving relationship is purely coincidental and lasts very briefly. Like a drug high.

Believe me, I will cover "sex with the psycho" much more indepth. At this point though, he's got you believing its the best in the world. Yet another spell cast.