Psychos are Sluts

True. Never minding the double-standard that exist when you are younger, that when men bed down many females, it's a boon to their reputation, if women do the same, it's a mar on theirs. While it may be different for men, there are many men on the planet that do have some self-worth and taste, who are particular about whom they mate with, even if it's a one-night stand. Over all. Barring the few times of "beer goggles."

In general, most men have standards for themselves, and won't lower them just because they can "get some". MEN. (Younger boys may not apply to this rule.) As grown adults however, these standards seem to fade as BOTH sexes are view discouragingly for being promiscuous. Let's face it.....if you are over the age of 30 and still unable to keep your pants on, then it's safe to say, you have issues.

I'm not talking about sleeping with someone too quickly, or having a "friend with benefits." I'm talking about the lack of standards and taste in WHOM they sleep with. A psycho will sleep with a drunk, a druggie, a married woman, a woman with a boyfriend. They will sleep with women who have 8 children by 5 different men, with women who look like they are about to give birth to their 8th child in the 9th month but really-it's just a beer gut. They will sleep with a woman who is half their age, or twice their age. Race, color, religion, background-they don't care. They don't care if she is a horrible mother, a horrible friend, or a horrible person to THEM.....if it comes onto them, they will bed it down. Even other men.( But that will remain a BIG SECRET.)

They will sleep with any woman that so much as says "boo" to them. They tend to take a compliment from a female and run with it....exclaiming that the complimentary woman "wants me." They are the pickiest people on the planet. From what they will eat, wear, drink, watch, do, how they clean, what they drive, brand names, to what music they like, movies they will watch-never will you meet people with so many pet peeves, dislikes and eccentricities about trivial things....EXCEPT WHO THEY SLEEP WITH. That's not to say that they don't get lucky once in awhile and get a really hot woman....it's just that they don't really care if she is or isn't, as long as she's showing an interest in him.

Incredibly....they will also brag about all of this, and give it names, ie, when he was with the woman in the trailer park he was "trailer trolling" or the very obese woman, he was "hogging". This is not to say that women who live in trailer parks are unattractive, or that obese women are not attractive. You have to understand that they follow this with "the woman in the trailer park that did a bunch of coke in front of me" or the "fat chick who was blowing some guy earlier in the night at the bar". So it's not about where she lives or how she looks, its more about character.

Now, in the case of a narcissist......its a bit different. They are extremely exacting in whom they will involve themselves with. It is a back-handed compliment to have a narcissist initially enamored with you-because they are the most superficially judgmental people on the planet. They surround themselves with attractive people, because it is a reflection of their worth.

If a narcissist is into you, you are probably above average looking.....but don't worry, they will be picky about something you DO or SAY, instead. With just a psycho, their ability to never be discerning in their choice of intimate partners is certainly NO compliment. This makes us feel even less valued, wanted or desired...because if he can be with the woman who is missing alot of teeth, loud, with muscles, tattoos and cellulite all over her-why then does he make us feel so bad about our OWN flaws?

That's one of the maddening things we don't catch right away. He will actually try and make us feel bad about our own looks and sexuality, will point out what is attractive in other females (hallmarking their innate insensitivity)-BUT-when you see or hear about some of the women they have allowed themselves to have "flings" with........it's pretty sad.

It makes you wonder how on Earth he could possibly find fault with you, as you are apparently, one of the best things he's had in a LONG time. Some will say it is their chronic low-self esteem and insecurities that feels safe and in control with a woman who is not desirable to any self-respecting man, but to me, I think their egos are so distended and crazy that it is the POWER, not the sex, that makes them not care who they are intimate with.

I have no doubt that the transmission of sexual diseases began mostly with the personality disordered.....because remember, they also don't give a shit about protecting themselves, either. One could say they either hate themselves that much that they don't care if they become ill or die-(and that could be just from some crazy guy coming to kill them for messing around with their woman)-or, they think they are THAT invincible that mere mortal disease couldn't possibly get them. Either way.....no matter how attractive they may be, they tend to "sex down" and are pretty gross when you really think about it. Its a shame they can't apply the same exacting standards to their conquest as they do to us.

edit: I'm having editing problems tonight, so I apologize for the variation in the fonts and the sizes. Then again, its rather appropriate for the topic;)

Game #25: Everybody wants him, ya know

He has you hooked in with your desperate attempts to help him, be there for him; You give him what HE needs to be okay. Especially your body. No one is more adept at using sex as a weapon, and it is either his way of apologizing and shutting you up, or yet another avenue of controlling you by withholding it. If your married, he may force it on you, whether you are in the mood or not. This is not a man that likes to be denied HIS wishes, his wants or what he’s asking from you. So he will just take it if possible.

If he doesn’t go that far, he will still punish you with an attitude or simmering anger, saying something mean and hurtful, throwing in your face other women would do what he wants, or is basically being the biggest cry-baby having a temper-tantrum complete with stomping off to his room huffing and pouting-and then accuses YOU of doing this, when he denies YOU.

The fact that you-a beautiful, big hearted, intelligent, often successful woman with wonderful friends, perhaps family, independent and who could do a lot better than him is even giving him the time of day, much less able to be so manipulated by him- that’s his pay off. You are now an epic co-dependant.

His insatiable ego that is a bottomless pit, constantly starving for admiration, attention and to control a woman like you, is all that he is really after. That, and sex. And unfortunately dear sisters-you are probably NOT the only one. Although he may profess with words to the contrary, he makes the suspicion of you really NOT being the only one pretty clear, too-also in subtle ways. He will NEVER admit to seeing other women, sleeping with other women or that he is doing this with others- until you push him too far and then he does so just to hurt you. But if he still wants to play with you then-no, no that might be the thing that finally sets you off and has you leaving. But he will imply, subtly insinuate by comparing you to past loves, suggesting that there are other women who are “Trying to get in, but don’t worry, “YOU’RE in, I just have to put the pieces of the puzzle together that‘s all”.

You will hear from him about all the attention he is receiving from females everywhere-at the job, at the grocery store, that an old girlfriend called him out of the blue- there is always an invisible entourage of females waiting in the wings. He will tell you how his buddies tried to hook him up with some “cute young drunk chick” but that he could only think about you. He will tell you that he ran into someone he “used to want”, but that he only wants you now, instead. If he’s highly attractive, you will believe it. If he meets any of your female friends, he will again-subtly suggest that they are hot or sexy, attractive or successful in someway, has something you don’t- and you then become insecure-no matter how much you trust your girlfriends.

Yet conversely, he’s not okay with any attention you may be getting from men. In fact, the subject never comes up from him. He never asks. He’s never curious. Then he will “test” you with an outrageous question such as “So who’s been tasting your sweet lips lately?” You better be sure you answer “No one, my lips are only for you”-because if you didn’t, all hell would break loose. He wouldn’t get outwardly angry. He wouldn’t start calling you a slut or a tease or “break up with you.” He would however either speak of some other woman, and that’s how you will learn you are not the only one, or he will straight up ignore you. By making plans to see you, then blowing you off. “Punishing” you.

Of course there is no other for you, because you were under the impression that you and he had something special, and you are “waiting” for him to get his shit together, to offer you the promises of what he’s made to you to come to fruition. So you wouldn’t answer this question with an affirmative. Yet. Eventually, you WILL “test” him yourself, by trying to make him jealous. If you haven’t stooped to this game yet, then let me warn you now: Don’t go there. Oh, it will work. He WILL get jealous. And you will get emotionally spanked-and hard. Again, damned if you do, damned if you don’t. If you see others, then you are not worth getting himself together for, why should he bother, and he will hurt you with information concerning other women trying to get into his life. If you make it seem that you only have eyes for him, he will think that you are a doormat, easily controlled and that he’s “got” you like that, and his respect level for you will plummet…if it can get any lower than it already is. He will see you as “too easy”, not enough of a “challenge”-yet if you weren’t “easy”, then he’d be angry with you. He really doesn’t want the chase. What he wants is impossible to give….but that doesn’t stop us from trying.

Sex and the psycho: The Finale (for now)

Two truism about abusive men: They are either highly above-average looking, or-they are very plain. Period. Even the plain ones though, have a charisma that is difficult for all to resist-they have to, to be so manipulative.

Also true, is that your abuser will seem to be a "prude" on the outside. He will say and act as if he hasn't experimented much sexually. He will claim he has moments of opportunity, but for whatever reasons-("shyness" he'll tell you, being the main reason)- he never followed through. He pretends as if he hasn't experienced much in the way of anything 'kinky'-that he's over all, pretty "vanilla" when it comes to sex. Yet at the same time, he's alluded to having MANY lovers: "I've had over 50 one night stands, that's not what I'm about, I want something real"or "You and I have fucked them all, want our lust to show us both that this is something real". Or in the case of one abuser I lived with, you will discover an entire dresser drawer filled with condoms and business cards for strippers.

Its hard to believe that they are so "missionary" in their experiences, especially when they start telling you about their fantasies. And boy, are they kinky. And you dear sister, is the one he wants to realize them all with-no one else will do. Ha.

Because they make it seem that there are actually many things they haven't done sexually that they want to try-you might feel enthusiastic as well to experiment with him, because he tells you he wants you to be his "first." This for the most part is manipulative bullshit. They've had more weird sexual encounters than you, me and Paris Hilton combined, but they still play the "innocent, prude "I've never done that" card when talking about their fantasies. You would be the first. As you have already supposedly been the first to them in some way-my biggest abuser went so far as to suggest that I was really the first women he ever really "sexted" with. He was certainly a natural then, because his writing and "sexting" was fantastic. I will give him that.

Its incredible how retrospect works. The porn he’s into (or not into) what his fantasies are (and when he’s under the influence of something-he’ll tell you) and the fact for as much talk as they have-in bed, they really aren’t that great. We think it’s great, because the “high” we are on, the intensity of him finally showing us a smattering of attention and desire-but really, his needs came first with that, he only went out of his way to please you and make it “about you” when it was the beginning and he was trying to suck you in, or when he feels he may be losing you.

For the most part, these guys are lights out, missionary style where you feel more that they are masturbating with you as a prop, as opposed to being concerned about your pleasure as well. I believe it’s only after he has married a woman, that his perverse side or his “kinky” side may come out full force, unless he feels he can get you to do "stuff" without any commitment. That is a challenge for him that he enjoys.

Most narcissist prefer masturbating anyway according to the experts-but love to use women as a prop. This is why the computer, text messaging, phone sex are all so appealing to this type-he doesn’t want to be bothered with satisfying you. You’d better make it clear to him however, that his sex games are doing just that for you. And for awhile-they probably are.

If you are attracted to him, find him sexy and desirable-this can be great and passionate foreplay for couples. Unfortunately, the real thing barely adds up to the expectations-and that’s if he isn’t just sadistically teasing you and leading you on, just to end up frustrating you and disappointing you in the end. You will also notice that in these virtual encounters, that he is able to manipulate quite a bit from you-pictures, for example-that he in turn, doesn't really provide as much. He holds out a lot longer than you, and he could have pictures of every angle of your body while you may have one or two. If that.

His game is to build up your desire to such a degree that you will put up with quite a bit, just to get even that need satisfied…and should you suggest to him that if he doesn’t, you will find someone who will- expect to be hurt more than you ever imagined possible. From blaming you for any performance problems, to throwing in your face that he’s got other lovers-this is an arena that if you don’t want to know, don’t ask, don’t push, and be prepared for what you get. Is it any wonder we are left to wonder if he truly even enjoys sex with women?

Now this is not because they don’t sexually perform or seem interested in women. On the contrary, most of these men are “players” and are extremely spoiled, because their above average looks gains them a lot of female (or male) attention. They don’t have to work very hard for sex-if at all. Women throw themselves at them, and make it very easy for these guys to “get into the pants.” They are so accustomed to this, that you know that any woman that gives them “chase”-whether they are that attracted physically to her or not-is going to get their attention the most. They are highly promiscuous and not very selective. They’ve slept with younger women, older women, big girls, tall girls, short girls, ethnic girls or married women-they are sex addicts. But its not the sex they are addicted to-it’s the power. As my abuser said, he really doesn't "want to have to work for it."

One thing they will really pressure you to have, or at least talk incessantly about, is having a three-some. They reassure you that you would never be made to feel like number two, they tell you that they don’t think they’d be able to pull themselves away from you-but if you’ve given in and done this, you will discover that is not the case. They’ve now abused you by proxy. The abuser I was with professed a big desire for this. Fortunately, it never happened. He did however relay a story to me of a woman he was dating, that finally came up with the courage to do so, showed up at his door with a hot friend-and he turned her away, because “there were kids in the house.” She never talked to him again. Must’ve been the final straw for her.

These men love to deny women that are coming onto them. Again, it’s power. If he has to pursue a woman, or he desires her enough to seduce her, it is still only on his terms and should she want him-he is never available. Even if your relationship with him is purely sexual-if you call him for that “late night booty call”-he’s never around. He won’t even play for text sex or virtual sex-if you initiate it. But when he comes a calling, you’d better always be available, in the mood, and take care of servicing him. One of the red flags I didn’t see with the narcissist I was with, was that he seem astounded at the fact that he actually wanted me and was willing to sexually pursue me. Something I think he ended up hating me for. I had some power over him, which is part of why he was so bad to me.

You wish you had known all this, as you were one of the women that may have given into his seductive, manipulative sexy ways to get you into bed right away. But, you didn’t, and it didn’t matter even if you DID give chase, because they’d still end up treating you like crap. Abusive men don’t magically become non-abusive just because you made them wait awhile for sex. They will however, make you feel badly if you didn't. They will subtly suggest that by you being so "easy" for them, that it killed something in them-mainly their trust in you. Never mind the hypocrisy that they slept with you right away also-remember, with these men, "It's different for guys" is one of their mantras.

So stop berating yourself for giving in too soon. He wants you to feel that way-that you must be “easy” or a “slut”, because you didn’t make him work for it. On the contrary-even if you did- they would’ve “punished” you in some way for making them have to “work” for it, to have to lift a finger and make much of an effort after all. Women flock to them-not the other way around.

And they will typically go back to former lovers and flames-because they know those are a safe bet, and a greater challenge to prove “he’s changed.” He has experience in manipulating them and knows them. Better narcissistic supply. A strange woman usually won’t be approached because she could reject him. So only a woman who’s made it exceptionally obvious will “get in.”

This is why they tend to gravitate towards women who have been drinking, or who strip or use sex to get male attention themselves. He will make no effort at all to be a part of your world and interest, makes you feel inferior all the time, yet he is willing to stick his penis in you. If you say as much, it’s the “Well, I’m a guy. Its different for guys” mentality again. Or worse, accuse YOU of being the tease, playing the sex card, dangling it in front of him, and that you made yourself easy and asked for it. You were toying with him-and he was just taking from you what you kept seducing him with. Apparently, some men can have sex with women they don’t even respect or like-for years. You have just been rendered a long time prostitute with this attitude, one that never even got paid.

We end up fantasizing not about the sex, but of him holding us in his arms, kissing us, loving us, "making love" to us. Which is why if he's not able to perform, if he is a quick shooter, if he is selfish and we leave unsatisfied-we don't care. We want the "love". We are totally love starved. When we do see him such a build up of passion and memories of the beginning, coupled with any virtual suggestions he's made, makes us anticipate him like a drug addict. That's the Love Hit that we are craving and jonesing for, and his scarcity intensifies it. One game he's mastered, is "hard to get." We end up equating sex with him as passion-because its just easier than dealing with the reality that he is controlling us, manipulating us and covertly sexually abusing us as well. He may be gorgeous. He may be totally sexy. But he's a "cold fish" in bed essentially, WE are the ones that bring the fire and passion to the table. Like everything else, they just "promise" it. Rarely deliver. Its also why make-up sex with them can be so hot; when we are angry and they feel they might be losing us, that's when they really make an effort. That's when they give us what we want. Totally backasswards, as usual.

Sex and the psycho, part 3

Could he be gay??

Another weird trait of narcissistic men, is that often the women involved with them end up questioning their sexuality. The man’s, not their own….(although many a woman after an encounter with one feel that becoming a lesbian may be the way to go.) I can think of 5 narcissistic men off the top of my head, that people suspected could be gay. And with the ones that I was involved with-yes, that was a question.

I remember a "girlfriend" confronted the first narcissist of a man I was dating while I was in his home. She showed up pounding on his door at 2am, barged her way in, and caught him in a lie.

He had told her NOT to come by over the weekend, because he had “family” coming into town. Judging by the nightie I was in, she could clearly see that if I was family, I was some seriously close kin. I had no knowledge that she existed.

As she ranted and raved and tried to warn me, one of the things she exclaimed was “And, I think that he could be gay!” At the time, I did laugh at that-because he seemed to be a lot of things, but gay was not one of them. But after knowing him for three years, hearing his sob stories of HIS life, and just basic observations of my own-I had to conclude that I wondered the same thing. Of course when she left-he just went on to bitch of how crazy, psycho and whacked she is, and “You gotta believe me” as he cried crocodile tears of how much he didn’t want to lose me. The next day, when she left a letter on his car-he let me read it, and I knew she was anything but crazy.

Didn’t stop me from continuing contact with him-unfortunately-but, I didn’t exactly side with him. And man, did I pay for THAT one. He was super pissed at ME, because I took anything she had to say seriously. I wasn’t “standing by my man”. So while you may not be able to save another female from the talons of these creeps-you will at least know that when she gets it from him, she’ll look back on you and “wish she had listened” and in that sense, you are vindicated and validated.

Anyway, the question of his sexuality comes into play very often and usually your sex life with him also raises some red flags to him that again you ignore. I mean they can have a best friend who is a gay man -hello! And we take it as, “Oh, isn’t that great? He’s not homophobic. He’s secure in his sexuality.” Truth is, he may not be gay in an emotional sense, but if he can extract the power of sex in that arena as well, he will. Male or female, no matter-he will seduce anyone that he feels he can get something from. Typically, he is attractive enough that people may just assume he is gay, and certainly, it is not only women that approach him.

In any event, if you have ever wondered if your partner is gay, you are not alone. It’s not a dumb question; men with this sort of misogyny, anger and seeming contempt for women, one answer that makes sense is that he could be hiding his sexuality and for whatever reasons feels he must closet it. Maybe he resents family, society or himself for doing this so-thus taking it out on us. Its just one of many “answers” we look at to determine why he treats us as he does, why he seems to “hate” us. At this point, you’d love him to just be gay-come out of the closet, take you to a pride parade and become your best friend.

Sex and the psycho, part 2

No Glove, No Love

These men hates condoms. A big reason they don’t like to wear condoms is, it isn’t about a nicer sensation without it. It is in fact, the “power” to implant “themselves” inside a female.

If he thinks he can get away with it-he will not use one with you. If you are like me and hypnotized by his spell cast on you, you will take this as a sign of his fidelity and his trust in you and commitment. That he must really care, and especially when he thinks its romantic that you will have him dripping out of you all day, or him lining the insides of your uterus, or he can look at you in a crowded room of men and know that you have HIM all up in your grill. He will tell you things like that.

However those are the real reasons. Its’ about him. He is so power hungry that he will risk getting you pregnant, or catching a sexually transmitted disease, because it turns him on that his seed is germinating somewhere near your cervix. He also implies at the time, that having a love child with you wouldn’t be so bad, that he would never abandon you or said child if you should happen to get pregnant. Some abusers actually try to get females pregnant, because it is even more power for them-and ensures at least 18 more years of having someone around to wield power and control, and gain supply from. Conversely, and sadly, some women feel that having his child might in fact, change him, and that he will do the right things by her and for his child, the child being the impetus for him to change.

However, with many abusers, if you are only dating and your relationship has not reached the level of “boyfriend/girlfriend commitment”, if you were to ever get pregnant or have a pregnancy scare-watch how fast he tries to talk you out of having said child. He’s all about him inside you, but watch how much he doesn’t want to watch part of him running around outside you. Naturally, you too are risking it if you are not on birth control and with the way he is, the risk factor for STD’s is high, but you are like Alice in Wonderland right now and take the whole thing as you two are that together.

He could then turns this around on you, and say that it bothers him and he doesn’t like the fact that you are let him sleep with you without a condom! He thinks YOUR crazy for it. Granted, if you knew the truth of him you are…but when you point out that he’s being a hypocrite- he shuts you down. And if he suddenly goes from not wearing condoms with you to insisting that you do-that could be a sign that there is someone else in his life that he is out to control. If you should suddenly realize that he may not be honest and start insisting on condoms, he will either a) get angry that you don't trust him or b) accuse YOU of sleeping around. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Like with everything else concerning your psycho.

Sex and the Psycho, Part One

Well, time to dive into this one, because with a psycho and in your relationship to him, sex is a VERY large part of it. In fact, you could say that it feels like the foundation of it, because truly, this seems to be all he wants from us. Or money. In no other area of your relationship with him, will he exert more power and control than with sex and your intimacy. Here is Part one, of what to expect in your sex life with a psycho. Fair warning: Going to be getting candid and graphic in these next few postings. But the truth must be told.

Sex, this is probably one of the greatest arenas for a psychological abuser to abuse and have it also inflict the most damage. Ladies, please be honest with yourselves about the sex, also. Is it really the most amazing sex you’ve ever had? Was that really your “hook”? Lots of women I know with men like this, never reach an orgasm with them. They don’t climax. This is because these men are just as selfish in bed as they are everywhere else. They really don’t care if you “cum” or not. The only time they make an effort to please you, is if in fact, they are hooking you in....usually in the beginning when you meet, or when he's trying to suck you back in. No pun intended.

Usually they can be very skilled in some area-because that is part of their game. They will break out with this particular skill the first time you are together-and you are hooked-and then seem to not be so into pleasing you that way again. However, he will keep reminding you of certain times of your lovemaking where he pleasured you this way, and "teases" you with it.

And they do offer an “animalistic” approach to love-making and sometimes as women, we want that domination, so it can be erotic. Sometimes, we also sexualize our pain that he makes us feel emotionally. Treat us like shit in bed-at least we get some pleasure with that, just stop doing it to us emotionally. I should’ve seen the sign the first time I had sex with a man that turned abusive- that time when he told me “You’re the kind of person I want in my house. I am really intuitive and you are the kind of person I want to be with, you deserve to get laid.”

Yes, he actually said that. In one small statement “You deserve to get laid/fucked/head-whatever it is, the implication is “don’t do anything that might make it so you don’t deserve sex when you want it.” Basically, men like this make you feel that you have to prove and show that you are a human being and not a complete maggot.

“Lovemaking” is usually met with frustration because you can feel a disconnect with them. You could make love to this man a thousand times, and recall only one time he actually “made love” to you. You take that one time as a sign that he really does love you underneath all of the ego and fear. He doesn’t. Who the hell knows why you got that one tender night of actually looking you in your eyes and smiling? Of connecting? No doubt it was to further cement his power over you.

That’s brainwashing. That’s sadistic torture. They work it by: Deny you, cutting you down, demean you, bemoan you, withhold-then give in a little. The one on the receiving end of this abuse (you)will be so hungry and loved-starved, so needing anti-abuse, that these rare times of seeming normal "lovemaking" will be raised to a pedestal it never deserved to be on. You ferociously cling to these “tender” moments and “caring” bones that he throws, the same way someone who is literally being held hostage finds love and care in a captor that allows them to use the bathroom without killing them. This is part of relationship "Stockholm Syndrome" which will be written about later on.

Most other times in bed, he’s either “Wham bam thank you ma’m” or, he’s doing you from behind so he doesn’t even have to associate with you at all.

If there is no impotency problem, then he’s a quick shooter and makes no attempt to wait it out for a few and try again. When he’s done, he’s done, and so they are even able to withhold and frustrate you sexually while having sex with you. But God forbid you let onto you feeling that way. Don’t ever suggest that you aren’t satisfied. They will turn this around on you faster than the time it takes for them to climax.

Conversely, if he’s taking too long to the point of your own physical discomfort-if you make him stop, he will, very annoyed and irritated, suggest that you just weren’t turning him on enough to finish the job. Without directly saying so. It will be something to the effect of “Well maybe if you showed a little more enthusiasm, or moved better, or acted sexier“….again, it’s your fault.

If he is having problems getting an erection, he will turn it around on you by suggesting “you don’t get wet, do you?” He is hoping by doing all of the above, that you will then be beeched by your own insecurities or your attractablity and sexual abilities to please, that you will totally defocus from his obvious sexual dysfunctions.

Or, eventually, after sexually loading you up with confidence, he will puncture that balloon by flat out saying that his impotency is because of you. Even if you’ve had the patience of Dr. Ruth, the compassion of Mother Teresa and even went so far as to order Extenze off late night TV….(not because he needs it of course, you would never be so insensitive to suggest)- but because it’s supposed to enhance HIS pleasure. No matter how delicately, sensitively and understanding you are to him and any of his problems-it all boils down to you being the cause of his problems...yes, even his sexual ones.


If he withholds sex from you, typically after teasing you and getting you hot and bothered, it will be for usually these reasons:

1.You’ve accused him of just wanting to use you for sex, and he” doesn’t want you to feel that way” but then makes no attempts to actually show you that you mean more to him than just sex...so he'll say "Fine, we won't have sex then, if you think I'm using you." Or, he will come over, tease you and say "I don't want to have sex with you tonight because I don't want you to end up laying here thinking I'm using you for sex."

2) He will feed you some line like “I’ve been thinking. I am afraid to have sex with you, because I am afraid that I will just want to keep having sex with you forever.” If you should ask him what that means, or why he feels afraid-why would he have to stop if his true intention is to be with you like he's suggested, you know, once he’s over all the excuses why he really isn't-he just rolls his eyes and gives you a look suggesting you should know better than to ask that, and thus, has answered that question. (The real intent here to distract you and make you wonder if he is reconsidering you being “the only one I want to be with.”)

3) He thinks it would be “tacky” and “not appropriate” given the state of your relationship or-

4) He plays the whole “I want this to mean more, I don’t want to be used for some meaningless sex"- and twists it to make you feel that he questions your true interests and motives in him.

Or, he pulls the classic “I have a headache” routine. The same man-may at different points, do ALL of the above. He has done quite a bit of damage here; Denied your desires. Lead you on, gave you the female equivalent of “blue balls”, feigns actually caring about sex being a part of love, leading you to believe he’s a romantic, that he doesn’t want you to feel used, so therefore, he’s sensitive to your feelings-all this, but the reality is- he’s withholding as power over you.

This isn’t happening before the first time you’ve ever had sex. This is happening after you two have got it on quite a bit….even if just virtually, and he’s doing this quite a bit. Unless he's horny. Then you better be in the mood, desire him fully-and if you have a headache, take an asprin. Cause he's "cumming", whether you like it or not. Stayed tuned for more of his sex games to come.