A Disclaimer

"Abuse" is a powerful word. Yet fitting. Some of the cruelest forms of abuse are invisible, hidden, covert and ambient. I am not a professional but I have de-coded the mind invading games of abusive people. Though I don't intend on making light of this subject, one has to have perspective when realizing how ridiculous the games are. Like the little man behind the curtain of OZ, once you strip away the ruse, YOU get your power back. If you can catch it while it's happening, you can avoid becoming brainwashed and a target to these types of people.

This site is for ANYONE who has suffered from an psychological abuser...and even those who ended up being abused in more overt or physical ways. Anyone who needs healing, of any sex, color, age, creed, background or culture. It doesn't matter if you dated, were married to, related to or worked for....anyone who's been abused this way can benefit. Abuse is not a "female" problem. It is a HUMAN problem.


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Book and Website Recommendation if you don't think they are "psycho"

If you have read my blog, then you know that I'm pretty hard-core about the personality disorders that create these sorts of people and toxic relationships.

Im also very aware that many people struggle with doing the same, that is, they aren't ready to concede that the men or women they are involved with, are "psychopaths", "sociopaths" or "narcissists." Though I have blogged many times about how we cannot rely on the media to label what abusive people really look like and act like, some women still think that because the men in their lives can sometimes show loving traits (often to everyone BUT them), can be endearing and actually do good in this world, that they are not "evil" and not emotionally dangerous in the long run.

In enters my recommendation, which is the website called "Baggage Reclaim", by Natalie Lue. Having found herself in one too many of these kinds of relationships, Natalie began blogging 5 years ago and has become an e-book author, and workshop producer(both physical and online) helping women all over the world identify what she calls "assclowns"-or more benignly than me-"Emotionally Unavailable."


Labels are not so important. The behaviors, the words, the deeds and the resulting pain, unhappiness, confusion and damage, is. As I have stated before-just like there are varying degrees of physical illness, perhaps there are varying degrees of mental illness so while your "psycho" may never kill someone and treats children amazingly well-this doesn't mean that you should continue to attempt the one-sided and drama, pain-ridden relationships that these types offer. "Emotionally Unavailable" is in fact, the nutshell that drives ALL of the games that I myself have written of, which Natalie also has written extensively about, and in greater detail than I.

She also takes it a step further and begins where I left off: She helps you learn how to heal from it, recover yourself and ensure you wont ever find a man like this again-and if you do, you won't want or stick around for it.

With amazing clarity and insight, Natalie takes you through your own mind and has you ask yourself some pointed questions for soul searching, of how these men inflitrate and why you may allow it to happen.

The first time it happens, you are a victim. Unfortunately, the damage done by just one of these relationships sets you up to keep attracting them over and over again. Natalie-known as NML-helps us to figure out how that happens, and what we can do about it-the key to it all being that WE have become "emotionally unavailable."

The psychology is logical and makes perfect sense-and shes not a therapist, shes just been thru it. Like me. They cant teach this stuff as well in textbooks, anyway-if you want to know how to do something, you need to go to the sources who have DONE it.

Natalies latest e-book-"Mr. Unavailable and the Fall-Back Girl", helps you recognize the emotionally-devoid men, and how we end up being a "fall back girl", and why it is we accept this role.

From diving into old hurts, to old patterns, to self-esteem issues and our own emotional avoidance of intimacy-Natalie truly tells you like it is. More importantly, she gently and compassionately helps you to tell YOURSELF how it is.

This website and her subsequent books are not for the faint of heart. It requires soul-searching, inner work and a true desire to heal and move on to find the love and good that we deserve. Nothing good comes easily yet the rewards for the task, the empowerment and the hope that her work will and has accomplished for women all over the world speak for themselves-and she is living proof as she is with a wonderful man and has 2 children by him-after years of struggling with painful, emotionally abusive and as she states, "assclowns."

Natalie also offers many FREE mini-ebooks and worksheets, and goes into the subject of "No Contact" so in-depth, that she wrote a book AND offers free 30-day emails to help you get thru that first month of it. Amazing!

I urge everyone to go over to her site. I've covered the basics here comparatively, and hope that I have opened one eye for people. NML will open both of the eyes WIDE and keep them open, and is the Visine to get the red out. Please support her works-for your OWN good!!!

*I do not personally know Ms. Lue and there is no sort of compensation for my "endorsement" here. She simply has devoted her life and energy to this subject and deserves it, and not only that-would be exactly the kind of thing I would continue to blog. Except I don't have to-shes done all the work for me! :)


  1. I've been NC so many times, but after the last time, I just knew that I could never go back. I found Natalie's blog, and was able to sort through the rest of the stuff I was struggling with. She does and excellent job! The emails from her were great. They keep you on track. It's truly like an addiction.

  2. Awww...it's good to see you on here again! How is YOUR book coming along, Hon? I've been waiting impatiently for it! :)

    I have checked out (and thoroughly read) the Baggage Reclaim site but haven't delved into the books yet. I think it is time to do that. I've reached a certain point in my situation where it may be necessary.

    Take care of you, my friend. Always great to hear from you! :)

  3. Hi Julie!

    Funny you should ask...worked on it all last night. I took a hiatus as I started a full time job, etc etc. But now I am settled and hope to have the manuscript finished a a few weeks.

    I hope things are getting better for you-and quieted down a bit in your life with your psycho. Glad to see you are still on the road to healing!!

  4. Sorry for taking so long to comment! I've had some time off and work has been kicking my ass, but thanks for a really thoughtful, well written review of my book. If you want any advice on getting your ebook together, drop me a line as I think that you have an in demand topic! ((((hugs)))) Natalie

  5. My recent relationship had 70% of the symptoms shown at the side. I've had bad boyfriends before, but never one that was such a psycho! And he said *I* was the crazy one. And, yes, you are right about the "addiction."

  6. Hi, I'm so glad I found your blog. The list you have here, "game moves" well he knows every one of them. I've been doing a book blog for a couple of months which is really hard to do because he insists on standing behind me and or walking back and forth (behind me) any time he sees me typing.
    I'm only trying to review books!

  7. Hi Lauren!

    Keep checking back, in the next few months, my book will be available. It's based on this blog but goes more in-depth. It's called "You Dated A Psycho And Now All You Got Is This Book!"

    Love to have you review it. I will GIVE you a copy, because based on your comment-sounds like you need it girl! :)

  8. Nice blog, I came upon it by accident. To be honest I feel a bit like a peeping tom because its obviously a blog written by women for women. I can totally understand this as we all want to retreat to a place we feel safe when we've been hurt. I would just like to mention that men get used and abused and discarded too, there are plenty of psycho women out there doing plenty of damage to loving, decent giving men.
    I don't want to start any sort of competition but it just seems such a shame that so many men and women can end up despising the entire opposite sex because of a bad experience with just one horrible person. There are a few sites for men trying to recover too. If anyone is interested probably the best is http://www.shrink4men.com/ although I should mention that as its mainly involving men we do tend to get a bit stuck in the "anger" phase of recovery (testosterone or something?)
    Anyway keep up the good work and good healing to all of us.
    john UK

  9. Hi John
    Thank you for your comment. Yes, admittedly, my blog deals with abusers from a female to male perspective. However I did write here:http://psychobchick.blogspot.com/2009/12/no-i-do-not-hate-men.html

    How it is that men also are deeply damaged by the personality disordered women in their lives....and quite frankly, more so I think than women, because for us-there is a great deal more support and help out there, both online and in real life. Typically this is something that men don't discuss, admit to or heal from as quickly.

    Yes, there are female psychos, who are often WORSE than their male counterparts.....partly because they have "the system" going for them.

    I wish you well on your journey of healing, and whether its male or female-NO ONE deserves the abuse that these people are capable of giving. Much luck and good wished to you, and Happy New Year!!!!