The 2 Biggest Dates They Will Take You On

The two biggest dates they will take you on: Invalidate, Intimidate Invalidating you comes as naturally as breathing for them. Often coupled with the gas lightening, it is a mechanism of course to make you further doubt yourself. None of your feelings or thoughts are taken seriously at all. Invalidation often sound something like this:

That’s crazy
You’re being silly
Oh c’mon!
That's not true
I thought you understood
That’s stupid
I don’t need to listen to anymore of this foolishness
You’re ridiculous right now
You are wrong about me, but I can see why you think you are right
You only think that because I haven’t shown you any other side to me
You don’t know me as well as you think you do
What makes you think you know me so well?
You always assume things and jump to conclusions
You just don’t get it
If you feel that way, why do you still talk to me?
This is getting old
I'm getting tired of this
So many times I tried explaining...you just don't get it.
What is wrong with you?
What part of *blank* don't you understand?
You ALWAYS.....
You NEVER....
Here we go again
Still? Why can't you get past it
When are you going to get past it
You're crazy
You're psycho
She isn't/wasn't like that
Why do you always *fill in the blank*
I've had enough of this
I'm done trying with you
You're being dense

Basically, any feelings or perceptions that are negative that you have of them or how they treat you- you are wrong.

Intimidation comes in many forms. It can come as a look, a rolling of the eyes (also invalidating) . It can come through as anger, then blaming you for pissing them off, often with the added crown of “No one pisses me off like you do, no one gets under my skin like you, no one can push my buttons like you, etc.”
It can come in the form of threats to leave you, basically, anything that makes you fear them in some capacity-fearing the loss of them, their respect, their love, their attraction, their presence. Sometimes, the loss of money, home, the children or your life.

With the soft predators, it basically comes as a threat of “I will change my numbers or my email and you wont be able to ever contact me again!”-which is laughable, really, however to them, they believe this would harm you. They honestly think that if you can’t reach them for whatever reasons-good or bad-that this will destroy you. If they are trying to intimidate you from exposing their behavior in anyways, then the intimidation's come in the form of “I can’t believe you are this kind of person” “ I can’t believe you would stoop to this level” “It took me awhile to get past thinking you were evil, but, I guess I was right!” “Why would you want to hurt others just to mess with me?”

This is often said in relation to you talking to any of their ex‘s. These men hold the creed that “Guys don‘t like it when women they date talk to each other.” Uh, actually men who have nothing to hide don‘t really care. In fact, if your guy doesn‘t have any sort of social relationship with a significant (or even not so significant) ex-be it girlfriend or ex wife, that‘s a decent sign there that he‘s a jerk. But especially if it makes them uncomfortable for them even the idea of “two things on my plate touching“ you can bet the farm that he‘s manipulated, lied, betrayed or is in the act of with her, you and someone they have their eyes on.

But now what? While you may be “coming to,” you are still groggy and still under the influence of his hex. You need answers. How can you fix this, and get it back to normal, or get it normal, period? You start to play Plato to his existential bullshit. How does he exist, why does he exist, where did he come from and what will happen when he leaves? You ponder the meaning of this creep’s life more than you have ever expended the energy to understand the universe and beyond. If you are cerebral even with an IQ of 180, you are now more baffled, confused, and skeptical by what makes his mind work than you ever were by any philosophical ideology .

Not only does he stress you out to the point that your period is late, this asshole makes you compelled to seek out any and ALL females he has so much as fondled in his mind to answer the questions he has planted in your head like an Obama ChiaPet of “I treat you worse than I have anyone else and I don’t know why” or “Do you think I’m this much of an asshole to just anyone?” And then you take that as some serpentine compliment that maybe that could be a GOOD thing. His ambiguity unparalleled, his word-salads make you want to toss your cookies while all he wants to do is toss your salad, and your best friends, and all your other girlfriends and maybe even string along a gay fellow or to. JUST BECAUSE HE CAN.

Game #8 How the Psycho's Argue, Part one

If they still want to play with you, then they know they have to satiate your thirst for knowledge about them in some way so, they “give in.” They take all that pain, angst, longing and frustration you carry about their now werid-ass behavior, and mutilate and twist it in such a way that you actually believe that what they are giving as answers for their weirdness of behavior and thought has any validity. And typically it goes something like this:

“Well, your reactions/anger/responses/lack of patience/understanding/irritability/suspicion/lack of trust/questioning/accusing/raging/and-or life problems/issues/analyzing/PMS -is what bothers ME. Maybe if you didn’t do these things, I’d be willing to (fill in the blanks.)” Then when they have you on the defensive, they shut the conversation down. They have to “go”, “run” “have a pressing issue that has to be addressed” “on my way out the door” or simply “I don’t feel like talking about this anymore/right now/tonight/ever again.” Then they hang up. Or leave. If you are married to one, they will lock themselves in a room, garage, basement or take off for hours, leaving no forwarding information.

Perhaps they will also blame you for this: They are not willing to discuss this until YOU change “your tone” “calm down”, “relax”, “cool off”- because any approach to them that you have taken-you are wrong. You are always wrong about them, you always take them out of context, you don’t understand them, or you never listen because “It’s not what you want to hear.” You end up feeling like every conversation you are having with them is an episode of Law and Order. They may even tell you “You should be a lawyer.”

You are to feel weird and criticized for what you hoped would be the ability to have a healthy, normal exchange between two people who are sleeping together and supposedly care about each other. Silly you. Also to note, they are kings of the absolutes. You are never and always something. Just like their love/hate thinking.

This is what's called stone-walling, withholding, and ignoring. This is also and devaluinginvalidating your feelings, emotions and rights. You are trying to assert yourself, and you are thwarted. You are not getting your needs met-because YOU are not “letting” him meet them. And you begin to believe it. You begin to believe that you are over-sensitive, you “don’t know me, stop trying to read my mind”, you are judgmental and you find that attempts to communicate with this type is met by him with defensiveness. He treats the attempts at honest communication as an inquisition and a court room and may even plead “I’m not on trial here.”

You tell him “I feel like you don’t really mean what you say to me sometimes” or “You have said some things that have made me feel bad about myself”- and instead of him being bothered that he may have offended or hurt you, he is immediately and only concerned with denying your feelings, and making himself out to not be doing any of the above. It’s YOU that has the false perceptions, YOU are wrong about him. You tell him your feelings, and they are “crazy.“ “Foolish”. “That’s stupid.“ And because you are even trying to discuss how you feel, you are now making HIM feel bad about himself because you aren’t approving or accepting of him or how he’s treating you. After a long time and many arguements like this- you begin to believe it.