Maybe I am getting better. Or maybe I just realized, I wasn't and am not ready to date yet.
I started dating someone. I took it slow. We were friends first.
It lasted a month and a half.
Because after the intial "he's great to me" phase.....
I took a job bartending.
That's when the monster came out. I was accussed of wanting to sleep with every man who I served. If I talked to a guy, I wanted him. If I danced with a guy, I wanted him. If a friend took me for a bike ride, I wanted him. Or he wanted me. Didn't matter. My "body language" told him that I wanted these men-and I must be lying to him. Because, every woman he's been with has.
I couldn't take the jealousy and possessivness, and of course, saw that as the sign that it is-psycho. I did try and end it. When he came back with the I miss you's, the excuses, the romantic song on the jukebox dedicated to me in front of all-and so I thought, "okay, one more chance." Again I made an excuse for him-his last girlfriend had cheated on him all the time, this I knew for a fact. We all have some issues and insecurities. Can't hurt to give him a chance to show me different. But only one chance, I told myself. I didn't write this blog so I could go through it all again with another psycho. Besides, what are the odds of finding yet another?
But the worst part-the hypocriscy. I come to find out, that all the while he's accussing me and insulting me-suggesting that I would soon become a bar whore like all the others-he's been lying, and secretly seeing his ex-girlfriend. When she didn't see him one night-a night I was home ill-he went and stalked her home.
Lovely, no? Of course, when I confront him with what I came to learn-it was MY fault. If I hadn't been flirting with, talking with, getting numbers, etc-he wouldn't of have been doing that. When I continued to protest it-he then said "I'm done." And drove me home. To never speak to me again, as if HE's the victim, and I the one that did him wrong. And did this the day before my birthday.....conveinetly getting him out of the steak and lobster dinner he had promised to take me on.
Sigh........Thankfully, his true colors came out right away. Only a month of psychoness. No broken heart for me-but a bit of a flashback to the last time I dealt with this type-the abrupt cutting me off, not seeming to care of my feelings (though I was told while he drank, just how special I am, he's never known anyone like me, I'm different, and I just don't understand how much he cares about me.) Nope, I sure do. Because actions speak louder than words. This time, no red flag ignoring. This time, there's no doubt in my mind, I've met yet another controlling, immature, emotionally abusive and disturbed man. This time-I ain't sticking around for more.
So he did me a favor by being done. Ultimately, a much better birthday present than dinner. Still I wonder-how does this keep happening? But, the more I learn, the less I tolerate, and the minute I learn of this sort of thing-the more these types will be phased out. One can only hope.