Game 32: "Abuse?" PROVE it!! More brainwashing

Because psychological abuse is not tangible, it’s difficult to prove. Its essentially like seeing a ghost everyday-and while you know that people have heard ghost stories, and that many people believe or are at least open-minded to the idea of ghosts, you still feel a) crazy because you don’t even believe what you are seeing with this man and b)crazy because you don’t think anyone else will believe it, either.

If you haven’t journaled it or written it down-your mind “forgets”. Here he can be truly effective as you forget all the times he’s let you down, the horrible things he’s said, the split personality, the yelling, verbal anger and insults, the ways he’s disrespected everything about you from your time, to your body, to you as a human being-and its extremely difficult to notice the subtle manipulations and games he’s done, because you didn’t catch those at all. The obvious “bad behavior” you can name as wrong. The subtle things that landed you here-you can’t. All you can do is call it “head games” and can’t really explain to anyone by giving a concrete example.

So your mind retreats back and you focus on only the “good” he promised or the tender, sensitive side he faked or that you painfully watched him give to others-especially other women. Your mind goes to that “safe place” and the name on that door is DENIAL.

This, beautiful women, as you know-is what having a psychological abuser in your life is like. The only way to figure out how to truly banish it once and for all, forever and permanently and to protect yourself from future hauntings-is to figure out how you were ever open enough to be a vulnerable target. What gate was left open, what part of you un-protected? What avenue did the ghost find in you, to penetrate? You didn’t invite the ghost, but something was missing that allowed it passage. We need to find that portal, and seal it up. For as I said earlier-you may have ‘let him do it‘-but you didn’t deserve it.

What is going on in us, that is forever chasing his approval? When we think logically, we realize that this isn’t even a man that we even like, respect or approve of ourselves. So why do we care what they think of us? Sadly-the stereotype is created-we must like jerks, we only want abusive men, we want to be with the bad boys, and only the asshole gets the girl. If he was a nice guy, he wouldn’t want nor think to do this to anyone.

It is unbelievable the effects it has. I have watched other women besides myself go through this, before I even understood what was happening. I watched as a man snuck out of the bedroom that he shared with his girlfriend, and snuck into the guest room to go sleep with her friend that was staying in the room. My friend heard them together. Of course, she forgave the guy, and shunned the friend. Then proceeded to have sex with him, after “fighting” with him about his blatant infidelity and betrayal. “He was drunk, he didn’t know what he was doing.”

I have watched as another friend, fresh from a miscarriage that her boyfriend didn't show up while it was occurring- because he was out with another woman- track him down at a friends, went to the chair he was sitting in, and got down on her knees and begged him to come home. He in turn told her that he was glad that she miscarried, it was for the best. How could these women do this? I wondered. How could they beg, take back, give themselves and forgive these horrible emotionally abusive crimes against them? What was wrong with them? Then it happened to me.

Both of these men did move on to be with women whom they seemed not to abuse as badly. (though mostly likely do. Just as no one could guess how bad it was with you, the same is true of them with others.) What obsesses us women, what caused the men to be so horrible to us? Or my friends? The years of tearing down of self worth, of blaming, manipulating, lying, twisting, gas lighting, intimidation, threats, comparisons to others, put downs, let downs, contradictions, confusing crazy making conversations, stone walling, ignoring coupled with intense bouts of attention, jealousy, possessiveness and accusations against us, the sob stories of abuses and pains in their past to manipulate the compassion and generosity-all of that, “broke” these once very strong and capable women.

Both had strong personalities to start, hard working, successful, highly intelligent and attractive. Both had “dated down” from what they could get. Maybe the men knew that themselves-and this is how they got them. Its cruel, its vicious-and neither one ever laid a hand on them. It’s abuse, and it’s a destroyer. Destroyer of psyches, souls, self worth and pride, stripper of dignity, causer of shame. It’s the same principle used by Hitler in Germany and other evil dictators. The Jim Jones and the David Kareschs. Whether one person or millions, brainwashing works. Nobody “asked” for it.

And that's what you'll get. You were never hit, you were never raped, no one yelled at you and called you a fat, stupid bitch whore who is worthless-so therefore, you must not have been abused. Which, is total bullshit.