So you married the psycho, final part

This is a man that if you ask him to paint a room he won’t-but he will wallpaper your entire house and then tell you how much you like it, make you feel bad for all the effort and hard work he went into “making you happy” if you don’t, and now you are suitably distracted from the fact that he’s a leech in your life.

You better believe, what’s yours is his but the opposite is not true. Whatever you buy, his name is on it too, and he will actually believe that it IS his, even if he made very little contributions to it. But when he spends money and gets something great for himself-say a fancy car, motorcycle or “toy”-your name is nowhere to be found. That’s HIS.

One girlfriend of mine waited months for her husband to fix up the basement. She finally ended up doing it. Spent 16 hours and damn near broke her back. When she was done, her husband said “Good job.” She told me that was the nicest thing he has said to her in years. He then retreated to the bedroom-and left the door open.(They had been sleeping in separate rooms for quite awhile now).
As we had coffee together, we laughed at this-because it seemed that he was now willing to “reward” her for all of her hard work, by offering himself to her. She didn’t take the bait. The next day, he was raging at her for spending too much time on a social networking site online, as it was obviously taking away from her priorities of family. Puleeze.

If you had all the above in your relationship, when its over, it could be years before its all sorted out and you have picked up the pieces and tried to minimize the damage from it all. Your credit may be ruined, material items stolen or lost, your children hurt and angry, your families not understanding the true nature of what you’ve gone through. Your divorce may have been or will be, very ugly, indeed.

And with psychological abuse, it is difficult to find anyone who can truly understand the depths of the mind games and controlling he’s done...unless they've been through it themselves.
He seems to be the winner in it all-its no secret that even professionals such as therapist and psychiatrist, marriage counselors and judges can also be manipulated and easily swayed by this man-especially if he is a successful narcissist, which many are. The money, glamour, success in business, the worldly sophistication or station in life- is all more covert ways to cover up his ability to abuse.

Yet you know that things are not always as they seem. We ALL know this, all we have to do is turn on the news for validation to this. Serial killers who made sick kids in hospitals laugh. Cops who served and protected the community whose wives end up dead and missing. Teachers who were well respected by their peers molesting students. All over society, we see the real psychos finally get theirs as the truth is revealed-and yet there will ALWAYS be those who don’t believe…..Scott Peterson and OJ Simpson come to mind. These are murderers-and yet you can’t convince the world of their guilt, hell, some people still deny the Holocaust-so how can you, someone still standing, someone still alive, ever be able to convince anyone of the murdering of your heart and soul, the raping of your mind?

Once divorced, if you had kids and are now remarried, he will protest your wishes, he will come around “for the kids” more often-but its not for the kids, its just to affect you. Just to say “I’m still here, and I ain’t going anywhere”. He will attempt to sabotage any attempts for you to be happy by forcing you to have to deal with him, the kids being the only avenue to do so. The more you ignore this, the closer he’ll get. He’s even stupid enough to not pay child support, just to make you have to come after him. It is still a pay off for him to have your attention, even if it means that he has to put himself through a ringer. In his mind, if you should come after him-he will just plunk down all the money he owes you, and be satisfied that you had to chase after it, beg and waste your time getting it, that you had to WAIT

Yet this is the same guy, while behaving this way, that will tell you to leave him alone, he doesn’t want to talk to you, should you ever be confrontational with him. He will smugly brag at how “so and so has called a bunch of times to apologize, and I’m not answering” or “so and so just called me, and I didn’t answer.” They want you to chase, to beg, to plead or even tell them off-because it is attention. These men have the ability to delay your period with how much stress they generate.

If after your divorce you want to move away from him, or just in general, he will never allow it and will assert his rights as a father to be near his children-even if the move is in their best interest. He will defy your discipline, allowing the kids to do thing he knows you wouldn’t approve of, just so you have reason to call him and complain, because ANY attention, even negative, is better than being ignored. While he has no qualms about ignoring anyone else, ignoring him is not something he’s okay with. And it won’t always be outright stalking, either. He will just maneuver himself to be seen or heard of. He will show up at bars you are at. He will use the same auto mechanic as you. He will shop in the same stores as you. He will accidentally “bump” into you. And if you should innocently accidentally run into him, not even thinking about him-he will accuse YOU of this behavior. He will think you followed him, are stalking him, are WATCHING him…because that’s what HE does to the women who leave him standing in the dust, who he knows he’s used up, or who have STOOD up to him.

He will make it truly difficult for you to get away from him entirely because he will begin to hang out with mutual friends so you “hear” about him, he will wait for you to delete him from social online accounts but he won’t do it himself, and if all else fails or he is unable to track you down this way, he will simply call you again. Period.

If you are divorcing a psycho and you have children with him, pray, and get attorneys and counselors well versed in narcissism and most importantly, document, document. And don't think you have to have contact with him. Just because you have children together does not mean that you are forced to have to deal with him. Mediators, email only works very well, until the children are old enough that you needn't really speak to him at all. But don't count on him sitting back and accepting that. Lovefraud.com has a terrific set of resources available (and others who have dealt with divorcing a psychopath, sociopath and/or narcissist) so please look there for further advice/resources/support on dealing with this type of person during a divorce :)