The luckiest thing you can have happen to you ironically, is if they dump you. It will happen as quickly as they started the relationship with you-with no warning, no reason, no hint. You will be shocked with it. One minute they will be planning a vacation with you, the next minute they are moving their things out of the house. They will cruelly tell you that they don’t love you, aren’t sure they ever did, you don’t make them happy, and that they are done. Or you will learn that they are with someone else and then when you confront them, they bail. They leave, they change their phone number, they delete their email-they simply disappear.
If you are married, you will be served with divorce papers when just the day before, he gave you a kiss on the cheek and promised a romantic dinner with you over the weekend. You never saw it coming, it was like a tornado hit you, your mind is reeling and spinning from the wind that is blowing, the emotional shrapnel to you. Typically, it comes during a period of “peace.” It is meant to be shocking, to pull the rug from underneath your world, to leave you in a state of suspended animation.
With this, he can maneuver and connive and take things from right under your nose, while you are in the grips of the psychic shock. Bank accounts are cleaned out, wills changed, life insurance policies altered, children taken, names taken off of things, credit cards closed or maxed out-they don’t just leave you, but they leave you with a big FUCK YOU, and you never did anything to deserve it. You desperately try to reason and communicate, to even get a “break up” speech-what did you do, why are they doing this? In which is crazy in and of itself, because you should be well glad to be rid of him, and you yourself contemplated leaving him.
In this manner of leaving you, it is once again a way to doubt yourself, take the blame and fall victim to being the abuser-after all, you must’ve been horrible for him to leave you in this way. When you finally emerge from the shock and awe, your emotional paralysis subsiding, you find yourself in a rage and anger the likes of which you didn’t realize you had in you. Your own anger and rage scares you, and now you are determined with all of your might, to make him pay.
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Oh yes
ReplyDeleteWhenever doubt starts to creep back into my head and I find myself saying stupid things like, "No, he's not a psycho-monster, he's just misunderstood, traumatised by a bad childhood probably, he didn't mean to hurt me, he didn't mean to hurt our children..."
...then I remember....
"Bank accounts are cleaned out" - yes, about £100,000 missing...
"Life insurance policies altered" - yes, £35,000 worth, cashed-in but the cash gone AWOL
"Children taken" - or in my case, "You're crazy, I'll get you sectioned, so I'll have the house and I'll have the children"
"Names taken off of things" - or just decided by him that they are no longer OURS, but HIS, eg OUR Mercedes, bought with OUR money, was suddenly HIS cos his name was on the log book
"Credit cards closed or maxed out" - he applied for a loan in MY name and ran up a £10,000 overdraft behind my back which I have ended up having to repay
Now, what was I trying to convince myself about? Misunderstood? Didn't mean to hurt his wife and children? Not a psycho-monster? Who am I kidding?
It is amazing how our minds seem to block out the real offenses that are done to us. I am so sorry that you experienced it. But I am glad that you see that he is disordered, because apparently yes, he fits the profile to a T. I hope that it all evens out for you and that the healing affects all parts of your life :) hugs
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