But aren't some people just messed up?

Instead of psycho, narcissistic or sociopathic?

Of course. Many people display traits that are not very positive. A person's background, upbringing, parental abuses, traumatic happenings and low self-esteem can all contribute to a person having "issues."

Typically, someone with issues has them with many people. Many relationships in their lives reflect this. It is after a series of relationships that don't work out, where the other people say the same things, that a person who may be suffering from some afflictions decides that they want to change and improve their lives. There comes a time in our lives, if we are not personality disordered, that we begin to self-reflect and to see the problems in life we have created ourselves.

If we have hurts and sufferings from our childhood, we set out to heal that. We take ownership and responsiblity for our lives, and realize that we can no longer blame the world, blame society, blame our families but that today....this moment.....WE have CHOICES.

We strive to be good to ourselves, to address addictions and habits that are self-destructive. We take an inventory of our lives, and if we have been acting in self-defeating ways, or have hurt others a long the way, we work on changing these things and making amends. If we have shut ourselves off from love, from intimacy and friendships, we begin to take risks.

Maybe we start reading books, watching shows, googling the internet. We set out to meet like minded people, and perhaps embark on a spiritual journey, as we reach a crossroads in our lives. We look for peace, contentment and self acceptance, and while we may struggle, fail, fall down, make mistakes, appear foolish, be called crazy-we keep reaching for personal growth.

Even the most emotionally hurt among us want to be loved, accepted and to experience what true closeness and sharing with humans is about.

So if you are with someone who shows NO signs of this-particularly as an older adult-then chances for mending things, healing the hurts and growing together are slim to none. This requires patience, tolerance, understanding and forgivness....something the personality disordered are not good at doing.

You cannot force people to change, to look at themselves or to better their world. Its so much easier to tell another what is best for them, yet, so difficult to do for ourselves. If we realize how hard it is to just try and change something about ourselves, then you realize how futile it is to try and change another. The only thing we can change is ourselves....but sometimes that changes everything.

It takes two people to make a commitment to change. If your psycho is not really a psycho, and they desire this, then it is their ACTIONS, not their WORDS that you have to watch. Also to be able to step back and let them help themselves, not do it for them.

Again, it really doesn't matter if there is a true "diagnosis" of a mental disorder or not. The important thing is, does this person want to change, see that there is a need for change, and truly regret hurting and harming you emotionally? If not, then move on. This doesn't mean you can't care, don't love and that any of the good you had doesn't count. It just means that YOU DESERVE BETTER.