Game 33: Serving up the Word Salad

Let's get back to the games of the Psychos.


What is my definition of “word-salad” game? It’s when the psycho’s use words that they casually toss around, amongst the other abuses and games that they play, creating this salad of bullshit covered with candy-coated dressing.

Some ingredients in the word-salad game will include and sound similar to:

“I hate my father, he was/is an asshole, he made promises he wouldn’t keep.”

“When I was a kid, and my bicycle broke down, and my father said he would fix it, he never did, and that was when I learned that I had to fix things on my own. I don’t need help in the world, I may not fix it right, but I have to go on my own to fix stuff.”

“I am actually really sensitive underneath. My kids make fun of me because I cry at movies/Hallmark commercials/scenes of destruction in 3rd world countries/when the Cubs lose, etc.

“I’m actually really shy.”

“My ego is just smoke and mirrors, created to protect myself after what’s-her-face hurt me.”

“I’m really not as confident as you claim I am acting to be. If you only knew how insecure I really am.”

“My dad cheated on my Mom, and I would never do that!”

“I got beat up when I was little and it had an effect on me.”

“This woman did (fill-in-the-blanks) where you are left feeling like giving him a gianormous hug.

“I’ve been like this all my life, all friends, family, girlfriends, wife-they’ve all said the similar things that you have.”

“I am an asshole and I will always be an asshole, but I wasn’t always like this until (fill in the blanks) happened.

“You don’t deserve to be treated this way.”

“You deserve much better than me.”

“Why do you love me?”

“I’ve been told by women in my past that I am ‘too nice.’

“My dad was hyper-critical of me my whole life. Thanks, Dad! Asshole.”

“I used to wish that my Uncle was my real dad, he was more of a dad to me than my real dad was.”

“You are worth so much more than this.”

“I am not used to being loved/cared about/treated well/concerned over.”

“Thanks for showing me concern, I haven’t let too many do that!”

“I don’t let too many people into my heart, because I don’t want to hurt anyone, I know how it feels.”

“I am afraid to hurt and to get hurt, all in have caused nothing but pain!”

And so on. Insert violin-playing, mandolin having, WB drama, heart-wretching emotionally string tugging "intimacies" of your own.

Now, sometimes you will hear a great deal of this in the early stages of your relationship, Either he doesn’t want you to expect too much, it is your warning, but basically it is a heads up of not taking ownership or responsibility for the abuse they know they will inflict. In this way, they’ve told you that they are “damaged” somehow, and true to form, this tugs on your heart strings and voila! He has a built-in defense mechanism because now-he no longer needs to make excuses for his behavior(s), as you are remembering the many “intimate” disclosures such as this, and MAKING THE EXCUSES FOR HIM.

Often, he will remind you of the above after a time of being cold, controlling or abusive, as a “excuse offering”, where you are reminded of his obviously painful upbringing and so, you are more apt to forgive him. AND shower him with MORE love, affection and attention, believing you can help “heal” the previous damage that has allegedly occurred in his life.

He will even say “Not that this excuses anything, BUT…..” or “I know this is no excuse” or “I’m not trying to make excuses, blah blah.” Even HE knows it is, but is totally manipulating his way out of it.

Because an emotionally healthy yet wounded person-should they see that the scars they have are causing them to act out and hurt innocent parties-would then say “And maybe I ought to get some counseling/read a good self-help book/go on a retreat/read the bible/go to a support group because I DON’T WANT TO HURT YOU ANYMORE BECAUSE OF THIS BULLSHIT.

But….they don’t. This is their story and they are sticking to it. Like I said before, if a guy says “I am an asshole”-well, when he ends up being one, he will think “Hey, I warned her. Not my fault if she didn’t believe me” and therefore, not be responsible for hurting you. YOU are now responsible for him hurting you, because you failed to take heed to his weird-ass red flag.

If one minute he is saying he’s not ready for a commitment, the next discussing marriage and he then cheats on you, he will refer back to the former and say “Well I told you I wasn’t ready for a commitment!” If you should end up “cheating” on him due to his abuses or because he‘s really NOT showing any form of commitment, he will then cry the latter and say ‘I was gonna marry you, you know, but not now!”

So this is what you get. A potpourri mix, a veritable Chex Mix of good, bad, indifferent, loving, vulnerability in his actions, with a dip of complete bullshit and a side dish of a word-salad. And he will feed you a steady diet of this crap and if it’s good enough-YOU even end up leaving a tip.

Best bet is to just dine and dash with this one.