Paranoid is an understatement with these men. They suspect everything and everyone, including you. It is insulting. No matter what you’ve done to show and convince them that you can be trusted, they still treat you as if you out to get them, hurt them, use and abuse them. That YOU are the one covering up your real self. They honestly think this, too. Its more projection. They don’t trust you. They are “scared” of you. What it is typically is that they have something to hide.
They don’t even come out and accuse you of not being trustworthy. For example, a girlfriend of mine involved with one of these psychopaths, essentially lived with him. He traveled a great deal for work as he was a pilot. He stored all of his belongs at her home-yet he had his mail delivered to a male friend of his in the same town as she. She couldn’t understand why he did that-and essentially his excuse was he had trust issues. She of course figured he was hiding something, but he managed to somehow turn and twist it around on her to make it be something she had done to prompt him to simply not feel comfortable sending his mail to her home.
Over and over, the subtle jabs at your integrity, motives and heart have you hurting and convinced that you must show him different. Against your rational mind that keeps suggesting “My god, he’s the psycho.” You know, he's been hurt. His last girlfriend cheated on him. Women have taken bits and pieces of him. I've heard that ALL. The "I have trust issues because of a few women who loved me, took my love, then left." He plays the wounded bleeding heart role so well, that you really do feel sorry for him.
I mean, never mind if YOU have also had any history of being cheated on, betrayed, taken for a ride in any capacity-or shoved out of a moving vehicle in the middle of fucking New Jersey when you are from Chicago-never mind that. HIS hurts, HIS past relationships, the horrific wenches, whores and witches that haunt his soul....you gotta prove to HIM, that you are not that girl.
He meanwhile, doesn't have to do anything to pacify your insecurities, fears, apprehensions and doubts of commitment. Your past means nothing. In fact, your past could read like a horror novel compared to his-but YOU have to accept his shady ass acting all, well, shady....because he's been hurt. The worst part? If you are back together with him after a break up because he's hurt YOU-he STILL does this. He seems to forget (remember that memory challenge he has) that it was HIM that was one of those guys that hurt YOU. But now HE is paranoid? More games to make you forget his bullshit, and worry about your own actions and motives.
You know, you are probably out for revenge from the past, you didn't truly forgive him. You're out to sleep with his best friends. You are gonna cheat on him. You don't think his dick is big enough. He doesn't have enough money for you. He generalizes about women. Yet at the same time, he might say what he does to try and keep his heart "safe." For example, as he laid with me once and told me, "I don't want to hurt anyone because I know how it feels" and then also pointed at him and I and said "I have to get my life together before I can do this", he would also mention how he had married lovers, because "that was my way to stay safe, hotties who just wanted me for my sex." But you know, he doesn't cheat on anyone HE's with. What was that about "not wanting to hurt anyone?" I'm sorry, you are hurting and distrusting and straight-up paranoid because women have cheated on you?? Hypocrite much? Oh yes. Like, ALL THE FLIPPIN' TIME.
He will sleep with another man's woman, but YOU are to be questioned? He doesn't want to hurt anyone, but I guess its what, ok cuz he doesn't know her husband? And I love how he whines that he was cheated on......well here's the thing. I should've seen that as a sign of his character. But I didn't. I fell for the wanting to stay "emotionally safe" bullshit. But not only did he break "guy code", but he owes that guy a ride on his wife should he ever have one again. Jerk.
As my psycho sat and lamented his fuck ups in life that lead him to be living back at home with his mother,when we back in touch again after the first horrible ending we had, and as I patiently sat and listened and felt nothing but compassion and NON-judgment, this motherfucker sat there and said "Well, even if I met someone and she was totally cool about everything, I'd STILL think she was crazy for wanting to be with me."
There you go. A verbal hand print smacked upon my cheek. I just shrugged and agreed. I mean, hell, at least when I met him, he had his own home, cars, money in the bank, would buy the rounds for everyone. Yeah, I guess since I wasn't shallow or materialistic enough to care about his now current state of being a mom's basement dweller-I was crazy. You know what? I think in this instance, he was right. I was crazy to believe in him.
Yet we are so mesmerized by this sad, seemingly deep down broken little boy, that we just want to reach in and grab his heart and wrap a big afghan around it and read it a bedtime story. We know that we aren't that girl. Don't feel too badly though. If you notice, they pretty much think all people are out to mess with them. He may have indeed been messed around by many. Somehow, he fails to see the correlation between that, and the types of people he associates with. Like, women cheating on their husbands. DUH. And you are being compared to THAT. W.T.F.
Why do we have to jump thru these hoops? That will bring me to the next game tomorrow, which is all about "testing" you.
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