Game # 30 Abusing the Abuser

So he seems to have a litany of complaints, criticisims and problems with you, your reactions, your distrust, everything pretty much about you. Yet he seems to “put up with”, “stay in it” and “deal with it” as much as you do-even after he asks YOU “well if I’m such an asshole, why do you stay?”

HE put up with it, tolerated it and allowed it not because he feared you, not because you were abusive to him or he loved you back-but because he’s a psychopath/narcissist and this is how he feels good about himself. Power and control, where every relationship is a war zone, a battlefield and a one up-manship of who will emerge the victor. Who will win in this contest of wills, this psychological warfare of head games, mind control, brainwashing, gas lighting, crazy -making espionage? To him it’s a game, to him its control, to him its payback to every woman who let him down and rejected HIM, and if he’s passive aggressive at all , you are the one expressing the anger, hurt and rage he never could. He is a wimp, a “pussy”, a coward-he has never confronted those that have harmed him like you do, and he knows it. Like I said earlier, he’s been accused of being “too nice” to the women who have abused him psychologically.

In fact, you will learn that the people just like him-the ones that manipulate him, use him, who’s affection and attention he must earn and “win”-those that have abused him-are the only ones he has NOT done this to. His world is a merry go round of pain, an endless cycle of being used and abused and using and abusing, in his world, you are either the bat or the ball. Because you cared, you loved and made yourself vulnerable to him-you are the ball. And you’ve noticed that the kinder and more loving and patient you were-the worst he was to you. But when you have thrown some abuse back his way-maybe you’ve yelled and called him names, you’ve called him on his stuff, you lowered yourself to his level in anyway-denied him sex, attempted to make him jealous, ignored his calls, essentially treated him the way he’s treated you-well then you got some attention. Then you are treated “nicely.”

In order to love this man, you realize that you would have to abuse him to get him to respect you. And it makes you sick to your stomach. His is a world of being “ass- backwards”-the dishonest, the cheaters, the extortionist-they are the ones worthy of his love, time and attention, and should you have values, integrity, morals and a true sense of love and concern for him, you must be “crazy” or have something wrong with you, and therefore not worthy of being loved back. His world is emotional sadomasochism where he “gets off” on hurting those that love him, and subjects himself and “loves” the very ones just like him. He’s like an emotional Hitler. This is not something you can change, fix or want to become. But you have. You’re now becoming the reverse narcissist. More on that tomorrow.