You are reduced to this sort of passive-aggressive behavior he often exhibits himself, in order to keep some sort of grip on sanity and to confirm your suspicions about him.
One friend of mine broke into her man’s email account, and it was there that she did indeed discover an affair. Because they were utilizing an email service that allowed you to “mark as unread”, he was none the wiser that she had read his email. Naturally-she couldn’t confront him because he would then turn on her and suggest that she violated his privacy, that she had the trust issues. Never mind the fact that he’s caught-you won’t win because he will then say this is why he’s the way he is, he can’t be with any woman who would stoop to this level, be capable of doing such a thing, even THINK to do such a thing. Turning things around like you are in a revolving door is this man's speciality, as is railroading the issue back onto something YOU are doing wrong.
I’ve seen women go thru messages on cell phones while a man is sleeping, use “spoof” cards on the phone and call phone numbers she doesn’t recognize waiting for women to answer-women are reduced to becoming their own private detectives in the hopes to be able to find something-anything-to prove to herself that she is truly dealing with a con artist. Even in the face of proof however, we can still turn red flags into red roses.
If you were to directly confront him on anything, and he's not right in front of you, he will claim he didn't even listen to your voicemails. He deleted your text. He accidentally deleted, or never received your email. So this is where women may go and start utilizing email read receipts (that he is not wise to), or some other "spy" mechanisms. You then feel guilty, paranoid, and that you might just be that bad person he suggests you are, or that you are "crazy." But you just have to know. And you know he ain't gonna tell you. You know that you have a right to know the truth; about him, what he's doing with you (and to you) yet you still feel horrible because you DONT trust him. He's planted this idea. This is part of the brainwashing. In so many subtle ways, you questioning him, doubting him and "checking up" on him, is proof positive that YOU are troubled...yet you know by his behaviors, the inconsistencies, the contradictions, the ways you catch him lying but can't prove it....that you aren't. And it drives you crazy.
He may even tell you things in the beginning of your relationship such as “I’ve had other women call me and ‘bitch’ and I don’t even listen. But you, I listen to. I care about what you think of me”. In this sense, it’s almost as if he is baiting you to attempt to communicate, to chase him down-and then he denies that he’s receiving or listening to you. He does. He’s looking for things to use to throw back at you or to manipulate you with.
Part of the reasons he can never answer a question right away, is because he has to go off and plot his strategy on how best to manipulate you, as mentioned once before. So one of the first things to realize, is that you can’t ask a psychopath why they are a psychopath, because its like asking a one year old to tell you why they can’t talk yet.
He is NOT going to give you what you are looking for. He knows what it is you want to hear. He is also out to make you look like the stalker/psycho chick he’s been afraid “you could be”-don’t give him that satisfaction. To him, you could call him once a week and if he doesn’t want to talk to you, you are stalking him. If you manage to leave him alone for a long period of time and you don’t hear from him, take it as a compliment, because it means YOU won in the end, and that you’ve begun to heal. But if he's not done with you....don't count on being left alone. More on that.
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