Could he be gay??
Another weird trait of narcissistic men, is that often the women involved with them end up questioning their sexuality. The man’s, not their own….(although many a woman after an encounter with one feel that becoming a lesbian may be the way to go.) I can think of 5 narcissistic men off the top of my head, that people suspected could be gay. And with the ones that I was involved with-yes, that was a question.
I remember a "girlfriend" confronted the first narcissist of a man I was dating while I was in his home. She showed up pounding on his door at 2am, barged her way in, and caught him in a lie.
He had told her NOT to come by over the weekend, because he had “family” coming into town. Judging by the nightie I was in, she could clearly see that if I was family, I was some seriously close kin. I had no knowledge that she existed.
As she ranted and raved and tried to warn me, one of the things she exclaimed was “And, I think that he could be gay!” At the time, I did laugh at that-because he seemed to be a lot of things, but gay was not one of them. But after knowing him for three years, hearing his sob stories of HIS life, and just basic observations of my own-I had to conclude that I wondered the same thing. Of course when she left-he just went on to bitch of how crazy, psycho and whacked she is, and “You gotta believe me” as he cried crocodile tears of how much he didn’t want to lose me. The next day, when she left a letter on his car-he let me read it, and I knew she was anything but crazy.
Didn’t stop me from continuing contact with him-unfortunately-but, I didn’t exactly side with him. And man, did I pay for THAT one. He was super pissed at ME, because I took anything she had to say seriously. I wasn’t “standing by my man”. So while you may not be able to save another female from the talons of these creeps-you will at least know that when she gets it from him, she’ll look back on you and “wish she had listened” and in that sense, you are vindicated and validated.
Anyway, the question of his sexuality comes into play very often and usually your sex life with him also raises some red flags to him that again you ignore. I mean they can have a best friend who is a gay man -hello! And we take it as, “Oh, isn’t that great? He’s not homophobic. He’s secure in his sexuality.” Truth is, he may not be gay in an emotional sense, but if he can extract the power of sex in that arena as well, he will. Male or female, no matter-he will seduce anyone that he feels he can get something from. Typically, he is attractive enough that people may just assume he is gay, and certainly, it is not only women that approach him.
In any event, if you have ever wondered if your partner is gay, you are not alone. It’s not a dumb question; men with this sort of misogyny, anger and seeming contempt for women, one answer that makes sense is that he could be hiding his sexuality and for whatever reasons feels he must closet it. Maybe he resents family, society or himself for doing this so-thus taking it out on us. Its just one of many “answers” we look at to determine why he treats us as he does, why he seems to “hate” us. At this point, you’d love him to just be gay-come out of the closet, take you to a pride parade and become your best friend.
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YES. The first and second times, I thought he was the best man in the world. Still I remember his hands, his way... exquisite. But from the third time we were together... hmmm... I felt something was wrong: he behaved in a strange way, as if a machine, automatically, careless, so weird. And, when at that time he began to give excuses for not visiting me... I began to wonder whether he was gay or not. And I've not finished doing so.
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