Now you wonder if YOU are a narcissist? Pt 2 of Game 31

On the surface or in the subconscious, something within YOU is resonating and responding to the energy he is sending out. Until that is recognized, the abusive tango we find ourselves in continues on, as we now set out to prove and show him that we are not the negative things he’s accused us of, insinuated we could be, and if we just behaved the way he seems to prefer a woman to act, he’ll come around to OUR way of thinking.

We, like him, now become challenged to “win.” Should a truly “good guy” come along, we step on him, the way our abuser steps on us. In many respects, we’ve become just like him. We now say things to him during fights, with the intent of trying to hurt him, get to him, and wound him. We think we are “teaching him a lesson.“ But we like him, have now just associated pain with love-and if we had that association early in our lives, here it is, back in full force.

Only we aren’t powerless children anymore. So we struggle and “fight” him. Both us and him-somehow equate love with pain. If you’ve never encountered abuse like this before, it’s imperative once you are away from him to get counseling, otherwise, your risk of having a man like this again in your life increases ten-fold.

We now, in our reverse abuse, turn the tables and criticize him-his lifestyle, his friends, his bullshit. We think we are defending ourselves, standing up for ourselves, asserting ourselves, we are “not taking any more shit”-but what we fail to see, is that he’s laughing. This is exactly what he wanted! He “got” to you. He turned this sweet, empathetic, generous loving person inside, turned the love that you had for him into something abusive, weird, unhealthy and insane. And knows that everyone-including himself-will simply say that “you let him.” That YOU are crazy.

And now that he is crying that YOUR true colors are showing-he has truly won. He now justifies his treatment of you by suggesting that HIS intuition knew all along that you were this type of woman and person that YOU really are, and that YOUR goodness was all just an act. Again, it’s the ass-backwards thinking of his world. The reality is-you ARE a good person, who is now showing a bad side, but the bad side is NOT your character, it’s not your soul. He is the BAD person, who occasionally showed a good side-but the good side is NOT his character, or his soul. He’s got you right where he wanted you. And with psychological abuse, you rarely have the means of proving the scars, of showing tangible evidence of the damage. So you really can look like the crazy one, especially when he appears cool as a cucumber to the outer world.

You may have found yourself becoming as passive aggressive as him. You are afraid to rock the boat, he’s got you dancing on glass, walking on hot coals, tip-toeing around because you don’t want to set him off, push him away, drive him into another woman’s arms, fall out of favor or take anymore disapproval. What he thinks of you has become so important to you, because he mind controlled and brain washed you into that. They are hypnotizers. So you may not even assert yourself anymore, much less get angry, because it will only get turned around and backfire on you anyway. So maybe you flirt a bit too much with that attentive guy down the street. You yourself might have an affair. You spend too much of his money, and just let him bitch about it. You find yourself doing things to get back at him in subtle, small ways-because now like him, you are not allowed nor able to express your appropriate anger. You are not allowed to vent. And I don’t mean you are not allowed to go off and start verbally laying into him and abusing him back. You were NEVER allowed to express your discontent, your hurt, your unfulfilled needs, your wishes and desires-in any way shape or form. If you display it, he wins painting you out as the unstable one. If you don't, you seethe with pain and anger, the love/hate emotions and wishing that you could be that girl that just tells him to f off, and leave him sitting in his own misery. Yet-you can't seem to do it. You are torn, it's like there are two personalities to YOU now, and you vacilate with love, hate, anger, guilt, pity, remorse and all sorts of emotions that you should never have to feel, with a man you love. Pt 3 to come