Sex and the Psycho, Part One

Well, time to dive into this one, because with a psycho and in your relationship to him, sex is a VERY large part of it. In fact, you could say that it feels like the foundation of it, because truly, this seems to be all he wants from us. Or money. In no other area of your relationship with him, will he exert more power and control than with sex and your intimacy. Here is Part one, of what to expect in your sex life with a psycho. Fair warning: Going to be getting candid and graphic in these next few postings. But the truth must be told.

Sex, this is probably one of the greatest arenas for a psychological abuser to abuse and have it also inflict the most damage. Ladies, please be honest with yourselves about the sex, also. Is it really the most amazing sex you’ve ever had? Was that really your “hook”? Lots of women I know with men like this, never reach an orgasm with them. They don’t climax. This is because these men are just as selfish in bed as they are everywhere else. They really don’t care if you “cum” or not. The only time they make an effort to please you, is if in fact, they are hooking you in....usually in the beginning when you meet, or when he's trying to suck you back in. No pun intended.

Usually they can be very skilled in some area-because that is part of their game. They will break out with this particular skill the first time you are together-and you are hooked-and then seem to not be so into pleasing you that way again. However, he will keep reminding you of certain times of your lovemaking where he pleasured you this way, and "teases" you with it.

And they do offer an “animalistic” approach to love-making and sometimes as women, we want that domination, so it can be erotic. Sometimes, we also sexualize our pain that he makes us feel emotionally. Treat us like shit in bed-at least we get some pleasure with that, just stop doing it to us emotionally. I should’ve seen the sign the first time I had sex with a man that turned abusive- that time when he told me “You’re the kind of person I want in my house. I am really intuitive and you are the kind of person I want to be with, you deserve to get laid.”

Yes, he actually said that. In one small statement “You deserve to get laid/fucked/head-whatever it is, the implication is “don’t do anything that might make it so you don’t deserve sex when you want it.” Basically, men like this make you feel that you have to prove and show that you are a human being and not a complete maggot.

“Lovemaking” is usually met with frustration because you can feel a disconnect with them. You could make love to this man a thousand times, and recall only one time he actually “made love” to you. You take that one time as a sign that he really does love you underneath all of the ego and fear. He doesn’t. Who the hell knows why you got that one tender night of actually looking you in your eyes and smiling? Of connecting? No doubt it was to further cement his power over you.

That’s brainwashing. That’s sadistic torture. They work it by: Deny you, cutting you down, demean you, bemoan you, withhold-then give in a little. The one on the receiving end of this abuse (you)will be so hungry and loved-starved, so needing anti-abuse, that these rare times of seeming normal "lovemaking" will be raised to a pedestal it never deserved to be on. You ferociously cling to these “tender” moments and “caring” bones that he throws, the same way someone who is literally being held hostage finds love and care in a captor that allows them to use the bathroom without killing them. This is part of relationship "Stockholm Syndrome" which will be written about later on.

Most other times in bed, he’s either “Wham bam thank you ma’m” or, he’s doing you from behind so he doesn’t even have to associate with you at all.

If there is no impotency problem, then he’s a quick shooter and makes no attempt to wait it out for a few and try again. When he’s done, he’s done, and so they are even able to withhold and frustrate you sexually while having sex with you. But God forbid you let onto you feeling that way. Don’t ever suggest that you aren’t satisfied. They will turn this around on you faster than the time it takes for them to climax.

Conversely, if he’s taking too long to the point of your own physical discomfort-if you make him stop, he will, very annoyed and irritated, suggest that you just weren’t turning him on enough to finish the job. Without directly saying so. It will be something to the effect of “Well maybe if you showed a little more enthusiasm, or moved better, or acted sexier“….again, it’s your fault.

If he is having problems getting an erection, he will turn it around on you by suggesting “you don’t get wet, do you?” He is hoping by doing all of the above, that you will then be beeched by your own insecurities or your attractablity and sexual abilities to please, that you will totally defocus from his obvious sexual dysfunctions.

Or, eventually, after sexually loading you up with confidence, he will puncture that balloon by flat out saying that his impotency is because of you. Even if you’ve had the patience of Dr. Ruth, the compassion of Mother Teresa and even went so far as to order Extenze off late night TV….(not because he needs it of course, you would never be so insensitive to suggest)- but because it’s supposed to enhance HIS pleasure. No matter how delicately, sensitively and understanding you are to him and any of his problems-it all boils down to you being the cause of his problems...yes, even his sexual ones.


If he withholds sex from you, typically after teasing you and getting you hot and bothered, it will be for usually these reasons:

1.You’ve accused him of just wanting to use you for sex, and he” doesn’t want you to feel that way” but then makes no attempts to actually show you that you mean more to him than just sex...so he'll say "Fine, we won't have sex then, if you think I'm using you." Or, he will come over, tease you and say "I don't want to have sex with you tonight because I don't want you to end up laying here thinking I'm using you for sex."

2) He will feed you some line like “I’ve been thinking. I am afraid to have sex with you, because I am afraid that I will just want to keep having sex with you forever.” If you should ask him what that means, or why he feels afraid-why would he have to stop if his true intention is to be with you like he's suggested, you know, once he’s over all the excuses why he really isn't-he just rolls his eyes and gives you a look suggesting you should know better than to ask that, and thus, has answered that question. (The real intent here to distract you and make you wonder if he is reconsidering you being “the only one I want to be with.”)

3) He thinks it would be “tacky” and “not appropriate” given the state of your relationship or-

4) He plays the whole “I want this to mean more, I don’t want to be used for some meaningless sex"- and twists it to make you feel that he questions your true interests and motives in him.

Or, he pulls the classic “I have a headache” routine. The same man-may at different points, do ALL of the above. He has done quite a bit of damage here; Denied your desires. Lead you on, gave you the female equivalent of “blue balls”, feigns actually caring about sex being a part of love, leading you to believe he’s a romantic, that he doesn’t want you to feel used, so therefore, he’s sensitive to your feelings-all this, but the reality is- he’s withholding as power over you.

This isn’t happening before the first time you’ve ever had sex. This is happening after you two have got it on quite a bit….even if just virtually, and he’s doing this quite a bit. Unless he's horny. Then you better be in the mood, desire him fully-and if you have a headache, take an asprin. Cause he's "cumming", whether you like it or not. Stayed tuned for more of his sex games to come.