Game #20: This is only a test. If it had been a real relationship, you'd be instructed what to do, and where to go.

These men will hand out more “tests” than any university on the planet. Only he has set you up for failure. Often when he first starts to act odd and you approach him about it, he will say that he was “testing” you, when you confront him on some poor response or behavior of his. For example, my psycho asked to borrow money. Promised to pay it back on a certain date. He called me the morning after that date. Carried on a conversation with me, not bringing up the fact that a) he didn't contact me the day before with my money or b) mentioning why he didn't call, AND why he hasn't paid me back yet. I was very uncomfortable, wondering why I'd have to bring this up to him; he had an obligation, he's a grown man, and why should I have to remind him or say "Uh, so, remember you were supposed to pay me back yesterday?" Later on he informs me that the reason HE didn't bring it up, was "I was just testing you."

After a few times of breaking plans and blowing me off, he exclaimed "I have to test and let me be tested, want a happy ending!" He has to “test” to make sure that you aren’t going to hurt him. Therefore he sends the message that “I have to hurt you to know if you are capable of hurting me back”. He will give you the impression that the test is a pass or fail, and that you’ve always failed, however, the idea that there was ever a “pass” was just an illusion. Apparently, according to him, without directly coming out and saying so, other women have managed to pass his sadistically ridiculous tests. You however, never will.

THERE IS NO TEST OF HIS THAT YOU WILL EVER PASS,AND NO WOMAN BEFORE YOU OR AFTER YOU THAT WILL, EITHER. You have to believe that, because that is the brutal truth. You CANNOT win with this man. There’s nothing you do, have done, could do or will do that will ever satisfy this guy. I changed my approach with him more than you change a newborn’s diapers and STILL, nothing worked, nothing got better, I never was allowed to know the “good guy.”

I changed ME, because I thought that would change everything. I thought he’d change along with me. He didn’t. He won’t. It will NEVER CHANGE. I tried changing him, which of course we can not do, so I tried changing myself, and of course, it still didn’t matter. And yes, I even thought I was changing myself FOR myself, because I didn’t like the person I was turning into, either.

I didn’t want to be this angry woman. I didn’t want to lash out at him, take his psychological inventory, analyze him, play Clarice to his Silence of the Lambs bullshit. My own anger was scaring ME. I didn’t want to be his mother/shrink and whore anymore. I didn’t like who I was with this man, I didn’t like myself, and I didn’t like him. Though I felt tormented feeling that I may “love him”.

This man might as well be wearing one of those "HELLO, I'm_" stickers on his chest that reads "Totally Personality Disordered." Because nothing screams personality disordered louder than having to go around "testing" people. I am not trying to get into a prestigious college. I am not applying for a job. I am simply trying to care about someone, whom I've given no reason TO doubt me. Yet I am subjected to a battery of "tests" that were more like pop surprise quizzes, totally coming out of nowhere, that I hadn't prepared or studied for, or even knew I was in a class for.

This was not a course that I electively signed up for, that is for sure. The whole notion of putting people to tests, says that HE is the one with the fear, the lack of trust, the paranoia, the insecurities-yet no matter what you do, and even with any options to "re-take" the test-you will fail. You come up short. And should you dare ever say that you were testing him back, you will find out very quickly that they don't want to be tested back, they don't appreciate it, and feel that YOU are being manipulative and messing with their minds.

Do yourself a favor, and just drop out of his class, ASAP. Before it totally lowers your life GPA.