Game #26: Be there, or be square

You want to get closer to him, yet he’s still always “too busy.” When he makes the time for you, he assumes and has an air about him that suggests he really believes that you are just sitting around waiting for him. He doesn’t ask “So what are you doing tonight?“ He will call or text and say “Hi, get your stuff and come over.“

If in fact you are busy yourself when he comes sniffing around, wanting to see you, he will seem offended you aren’t available as his tone grows cold. Either one of two things will happen next: He will either begin to hound you with attention, or, he will “punish” you by disappearing for awhile and then not be available when you offer to see him another time soon. The bombing- you- with- attention comes pretty early in this relationship-because he’s controlling you. He doesn’t see that you are a woman with a life-a job, family or friends that you have plans with and spend time with, he sees this as a challenge and a “chase”. He fears that maybe you aren’t being honest with him, and your plans to have dinner with your best friend for example, is really a date with someone else.

He doesn’t trust you-but he’d never come right out and ask if you are with anyone else. However, he’s also pretty confident that you are not. The game is to control you so that you will always make yourself available to him.

So you may get quite a deal of attention from him if YOU are busy-because if you are with another, he will be able to tell if you don’t text him back right away, call him back shortly or aren’t home early. You will be “punished” for that, if in fact you don’t get back to him right away- but not out in the open. He would never say “I’m feeling insecure, jealous or wondering if you are with another” and rarely would he fly off the handle and make an accusation and go into some jealous tirade. Many abusive men do. But only if given a tangible reason, such as they saw you talking to some man, they saw a picture on a social network site. He knows that he’d seem a bit imbalanced if he were to accuse you of anything simply because you didn’t answer his text right away. Yet that’s what he’s thinking. He is thinking this, because that’s what HE does. When he doesn’t answer your text, your calls, his cell phone is off-it’s a sure bet that he’s up to something that would hurt you, or make you call the whole relationship off. He assumes that everyone else is like him, too. You don’t look under beds, unless you yourself hide there.

Strangely enough, at first you are flattered by this as you think “Aw, he really does like/love and care about me. You see this as his way of showing feelings and love for you, because he seems to be jealous and just won’t come out and say so. You think it’s cute. But trust me-as the relationship progresses and you find yourself intentionally trying to make him jealous in a feeble attempt to get him to see your worth-it will backfire on you, and big time.

He is also manipulating you again: Should you not be available at his beckon call, at the drop of the hat-then you are to be suspected. You are hiding something from HIM. He can’t give you anymore time if he feels that your attention is not towards this relationship. He didn’t think that you were open to other men, that’s why he’s even trying to change the things he needs to so someday you can both take it to a new level he‘ll claim-so if there’s something he should know, he needs to know now, or he’s done with it. He wants to give you the appearance that he’s off somewhere trying to “fix” himself, so when he’s ready, he will come rushing into your life as Prince Charming and sweep you off your feet, and give you what you want. But hey-if you aren’t willing to wait around and be completely devoted to him-he’s not even going to bother to get his life or self together.

He’s now got you feeling that you need to prove to him your intentions towards him-you aren’t that girl that cheated. You aren’t trifling around. You aren’t playing him. You wouldn’t hurt him like that, after all he’s shared. So-you now make sure that whenever you hear from him, you are around-you respond right away, giving him no reason to suspect you or to use that he believes “actions speak louder” against you. That’s his silent dog whistle-that you just ran to. You are now conditioned to respond to him and be available for whenever he pencils in the time to pay attention to you. One more pull on your leash, and the noose-grows a little tighter.