Game # 23: Don't be too Sexy

If you are human, there is something about yourself physically that you don’t really like. No matter how high your self-esteem may be, even the most beautiful among us find something to complain about.

It could be hair, skin, feet, this wrinkle, that stretch mark, this birthmark, eye color. The shape of our body, our height and certainly our weight-or more intimate concerns regarding our erogenous zones.

Your psycho will be contradictory here, too. Of course to control you and certainly to maintain a very sexual relationship with you, he will have to flatter you and have you feeling like an incredibly sexy woman. Conversely though-they also DON’T want you to think you are an incredibly sexy woman. Why? Because then you might figure out that other men think you are an incredibly sexy woman-better men than he.

Truth be told, if your psycho wasn’t incredibly attracted to you sexually, he wouldn’t bother with you. Part of the reason he is the way he is, is because of his attraction to you-that he is insecure, intimidated and ANGRY about. Angry? Yes. These men resent the sexual power of women. Which is why so many try and ‘conquer’ it. Sexuality with a psycho is going to take up quite a few posts in the future. For now, the way that he tries to undermine your self worth is quite subtle. We all know women who have had men come right out and say “you fat bitch” “you dumb bitch” “You lazy bitch”-but that sort of abuse is so flagrant that often women realize right away what an asshole he is-so they don’t take it to heart as much as those of us where those messages are being infiltrated through brain washing.

How might this happen? One way might be to tell you of some fantastic attribute of an ex. Something like “Everyone wanted to fuck her!” or “My ex wife was crazy, but she gave the best oral sex ever.” In some capacity, they will sneak in casual comments about the looks, body or sexual prowless of some former lover.

Then they may move on to point out women in public, or women in the media. In a normal healthy relationship, you may be inclined to agree if he says “That Megan Fox is sooo hot!” but with a psycho, the way they say this, the timing in which they say it is usually inappropriate and meant to hurt your feelings in some way.

For example, He will always have you feeling that in some way, shape or form, you must compete. If you are watching a movie, he will point out the exact things you lack in another woman and how great it is, to make you feel inferior. So say you have small breast, he will point out a woman with a very pendulous breast and say “Wow, she looks fantastic! Look at those boobs!“

When you show an obvious hurt-and it will always be obvious whether you say anything or not just by the look on your face, he will then try and do “damage” control by saying “Don’t worry, I like your (fill in the blank.) You are fine.” But the seed has been planted, which has you feeling self -conscious and wondering if he truly and really thinks that you are just fine. The worst part is that before this, you didn’t worry about it. You didn’t have much if any insecurity about your body-but now you are left wondering.

If your abuser is like mine, he will recognize your sex appeal to others, and will call you a slut or some similar reference, but with a smile on his face and then tell you “Oh come on, I’m only joking, you are too sensitive” should you react to this. He is hoping that you will be so offended by this, that you will do anything in your power to prove that isn’t true. So you will stop dressing sexy, stop flirting with men and shun any attention, and for sure won’t be seen with other men-because you are anything BUT a slut and that’s exactly what he wants you to do. He has now effectively controlled whether you will cheat on him or not, find anyone better or “get back” at him by sleeping with another, because should you do any of the above-well, you were just a slut. This same man though, might suggest that you wear something provocative to one of his functions, just so he can show you off on his arm as “his hot woman.” On your own accord though, and without him-that is not allowed. Remember-on your own recognizance, you cannot attract a man solely on who you are. It’s because you are a tease, a flirt and naïve. If you are unavailable to him, you must be playing him, lying to him or hiding something. And if you only acted like the “one that got away”, you might be able to secure his heart forever. Oh, but he doesn’t mind it if you’re a whore to him, and him only. In this sense, the “freakier” you are, the better-and he will do whatever he can to insinuate and imply that all other women do (fill in the blanks) to satisfy their mates. Your head is spinning now, isn’t it?

Art by Jasmine Cook