Game # 1: The bait and hook

These types waste no time in securing your attention. They talk-and they talk ALOT. At first, they may seem incredibly interested in knowing some facet of you-but it's not where you work, what your interest are, what your hobbies are. They go straight for the kill to inquire about the state of your soul-past relationships, what you are "about." They will do something called "mirroring" where they seek to identify with whatever you tell them. After doing this, you feel a "kinship" and that you both have a great deal in common-childhood, background, "hurts."

Then they talk about their past with other women. These men toss out a resume, and give you a run-down dossier of ALL the women they have bedded down, been with, or who wanted to be with them. A “classic” abuser will tell you that ALL the women in his past were no good and “psycho” and that he was used, abused and left for emotional dead by them all. He paints all women out to be black widows and pariahs, which of course, if you’re still interested, propels you to want to show him different. You’re not that girl.

But with the mind invaders, the psycological abusers- it’s much more insidious. They will often speak highly of some of the women in their past, as well as refer to some as “psycho” and “crazy”. Often they will do this about the same woman. They say things that are at times, misogynistic, chauvinistic and crass. But you notice the game-in hindsight, and it’s pretty remarkable. The women they speak “highly” of-are the same women who “broke them”, “left them”, “cheated on them” or rejected them. The women who wanted to be with him, chased him, showed him love and attention, emotionally open and available to him-THOSE were the psychos and the crazy’s and the women he got rid of. Here's an example:

Does he want you to feel bad for him, and prove that you are not this “type” of woman that hurt him, or does he want you to feel insecure and that you have to measure up to a woman in his past? I recall being told by one “ab-loser” is the thing that hurt the most about ending his relationship with a woman that “played him”, “kept him” and “cheated on him” was that she also “was it, she was everything, I was going to marry her, it was just her issues of infidelity that were the problem, she has A.D.D. and that makes her unable to be faithful, even cheated on her son‘s father” and that she also “Knew me better than anyone else. I met her shortly after my divorce when she knew my heart was fragile. She was patient with me.” This is the start of crazy making-contradictions meant to confuse you.

He’s got her on a pedestal and yet has knocked her down as well-and so the game here when you break it down is this: He’s told you how much he adored some other woman, how much she had him. She had his heart. She was patient with him and “won” him-so if you want to “win” him, he is indirectly telling you that you need to be “patient” with him, because now he is vulnerable again.

Yet at the same time-he’s also telling you that what she did to him was very bad indeed-cheating-and of course, he left her. HE ended it. So, there you go. Be patient if you want to know him better than anyone, and whatever you do, don’t cheat on him. He’s told you this essentially as you’ve just met-so, he’s just setting you up. If it wasn’t cheating, it could be something else, and typically, it has to do with his money. Either way, she “wronged” him. Hence, one excuse not to get “closer” to you. He has “trust issues” now. You are being set up. He has planted in your mind that you need to show him you are different. You don’t know it yet….but when he starts letting you down and disappointing you-remember, THAT girl was patient. She got him-and SHE screwed it up.

However they describe other women, is how they will end up seeing you. They are essentially giving you instructions on what to do and not to do, to keep them around. Modeled after some woman who’s integrity is in question. Don’t fall for it. The only falling you will be doing is from the pedestal he initially erected you on-and that’s because he ends up pushing you off.

You now have a mental checkless in your head of his likes and dislikes. What he doesn't like, is questioning him. Distrusting him. Cheating on him. Don't drive past his house, don't show curiosity, don't have too many male friends, don't call too much or too little, but, if you high-five him when he's out fucking other people, you're cool. You don't know it yet, but subconsciously your mind is in overdrive, the foundation already laid as to how you are expected to act and who you should feel insecure against.

I remember telling myself "Well, I wonder what shallow, superficial thing about me he will find and reject me for" and that is EXACTLY what they want you to feel. They infiltrate with this subtle pro and con's list of their love life, unknowingly to you at the time, that it is designed to start controlling you. So to break it down:


The fact that he won't shut the fuck up falls under the heading of “TMI”-Too Much Information- and it’s really not appropriate, yet at the same time you tell yourself that he is being extremely open and honest, candid and “putting it out there”. Now you know what he’s been through. But to him-he’s emotionally hooking you. All the things you are now telling yourself-that he’s open and honest, etc-he’s hoping you feel. He will even espouse bullshit like "I can't believe I'm telling you all this" "I can't believe I feel so comfortable with you so soon" "I can't believe I"m saying this, I haven't told this to anyone." He has related to some hurt or yours, or has feigned a great deal of emphaty for you. He compliments you profusely.

All of this has made you feel special. Different. Unique to him. That maybe, he really “connected” with you, and after a night of “bonding” as if he’s a girlfriend-you do feel connected to him. Lesson here: It is abnormal and inappropriate to open up to deeply personal issues and delve into past relationships in the first days with him, and/or how many women a man has dated/slept with the first or second time you’ve spent time with him, if at all. Be very leery of this.