Game # 14: Gaslighting

The term "Gaslighting" is derived from the 1944 thriller movie named "Gaslight". The basic plot, starring Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer, is that Boyer, playing her husband, is a psycho. He married her for the sole purpose of finding hidden gems that were hidden in the home by Bergman's Aunt. In an effort to find not only the jewels, but also to conceal the fact that he was the one that murdered Bergmans aunt-he begins to psychologically abuse his wife in an attempt to make her think she was going crazy. It began to work. She suffered a nervous breakdown, memory loss and her health deteriorated. Without adding to the spoiler alert here-she was lucky that an astute person seemed to figure her husband out.

How would your psycho, who may not have done anything as heinous as murder, and may not be out to blatantly steal from you, "gaslight", and why? Well the why is easy. To throw you off, when you begin to suspect his real motives. If he is using you, he certainly doesn't want you to catch on. If he wants something from you, he won't want you to leave him. Of course, if he ends up controlling you through physical violence, its much easier to do so to a woman who's already psychologically damaged. No one punches a person in the face on a first date and generally gets a second one. So here are some "gaslighting" tactics used by psychos:
While the movie is an extreme example, gas lighting simply occurs to make you go nuts. It looks often like this:
I didn’t say that.

I didn’t do that.

That didn’t happen.

You misunderstood.

You took my words out of context.

You twisted my words, that’s not what I meant.

That’s not true.

You’re lying.

You’re making that up.

That’s just a fictionalized accounting from your own imagination.

"Remember when?".......and whatever it is they are recalling you did together-you didn't.

They will call you and tell you that they want to see you and talk the next day. The next day rolls around, and you hear nothing, time has passed since they said they'd show up. You call them, and they say something like "Oh, that's right....I forgot you told me to call you."

They will implant "false memories" in your head, conversations or events, and this has you thinking they may be confusing you with someone else.

Let's say they make a commitment to do something on a Thursday. At the time, you were both very clear that it was in a couple of days Thursday. When Thursday rolls around and they are a no-show, they might call you the following Thursday, all pissed off at YOU, vehemently blaming YOU for not remembering correctly.

Basically, just a flat out denial of what you know-er, thought to be true. Because by the time that they are done, they actually having you believing that black is white, the sun sets in the north, the world is flat, and the moon is made of green cheese. When you start feeling like you need a tape recorder around them, you are probably being gaslighted. It's called "crazymaking". This, on top of their denials and memory issues (more on that in a future posting)-you will question yourself, doubt yourself and this gives them a great deal more power over you.