Learn to laugh at these shitheads

What is psychological abuse, or more aptly, “narcissistic abuse?” If you are like me, you stumbled across this word “narcissistic” while you feverishly combed the internet. Like I mentioned before, Your relationship has got you Googgling and Binging your ass off like a research scientist out for a jillion dollar grant to find out what the hell is wrong with HIM. Like a crazed mad anthropologist, you scour and go on an emotional archeological dig, pouring over every possible minute classification of just what kind crazy you are experiencing. Sociopath? Psychotic? Narcissist? Passive-Aggressive? Borderline Personality? Bi-Polar? Drug Addict/Alcoholic? Gay? Sexual Child Abuse survivor? Adult Child of some other Dysfunctional Piece of Shit? Pleading with life to give answers to why you are experiencing what you are with a man you love or care about. Maybe you’ve noticed it’s become a pattern in your life with a few important figures. You want to know what it is, and how it is you can change it. And if you are doing all of the above-“There’s your sign.” You are in a psychologically abusive relationship.


Now it is easier to answer what the psychological abuse we went through isn’t. If a man has cheated on you, as much as the betrayal and lies hurt, it is not always indicative of a psychological abuser. However, a psychological abuser is more likely to cheat on you. It’s not being confused about getting involved in a relationship, and acting accordingly. It’s not when a guy is afraid of commitment, or when he’s “just not that into you.“ While women would love to label this mistreatment or broken heart as “psychological abuse”, it’s not the sinister evil that will be outlined.

Sometimes, we date a jerk. Sometimes, we date people who are immature, vain, or simply aren’t ready to settle down, they are still “running game.” Sometimes we run into men who are coming out of relationships, they are rebounding and truly can’t give anything emotionally at the time, and sometimes we date or marry men who are passive-aggressive but there is hope for them. Sometimes, men themselves come from an abusive background and have learned automatic programming in relationships. Insight, therapy and an honest desire to change can help these men address the issues they have that cause them to be jerks. And sometimes, we just don’t want to accept that a guy “isn’t into us”, and that while he may enjoy our company and our sex, we are not “the one.“ And when that reality hits, we want to label it “abusive” or he’s a “narcissist.“ We wonder “How could he do that to us? “ but sadly, many men-people actually-are not good with rejecting others and don’t want to hurt another. So they play “games”-but not intentionally. They just want to avoid the discomfort of hurting you. If you’ve ever initiated a breakup with someone, you know it’s not really any easier for you than it is them. You know how it feels, and you don’t want to cause that pain. So many postpone the inevitable. Typically you see this in younger people and you hope that by the time people are mature adults, they can be more direct and honest with another. Doesn’t always happen that way. But that is not what psychological abuse is.

Conversely-when we are truly being psychologically abused, it is easy to fool ourselves and to pretend that it isn’t as bad as it is, and that he is one of these men above-lost, confused, hurt, reluctant to commit, “fearful” of settling down, doesn’t want to hurt us, or worse-this is his mal-adaptive way of showing love- he hurts us because he‘s so afraid to get hurt by us, because he loves us that much, so he‘s erected a fortress around his heart, built a wall to his inner sensitive guy-and it is this magical thinking we have that keeps us locked into an abusive cycle that is all an illusion. And of course, it isn't just men abusing women, but, men by and large abuse women more. I'll get into that in another post. For now, sit back, come back and check back daily, because the greatest way to win back your own power and start healing, is to look for the absurdedy in what they do, and Lord, is there a LOT of ridiculous bullshit they do.