Love they say is blind. Infatuation is not only blind, but also deaf and dumb. Here is the basic personality foundation of most abusers-but this is what YOU see.
His personality seems for lack of a better word, a “spoiled brat.” But you dismiss it.
1. Illusion: Mental abusers are not always loud-though often accused of it-and are not constantly pompous and arrogant- just most the time. They do show an egotistical side, even when claiming to be humble. But because they are usually so charismatic and filled with “energy”, you shrug it off. Okay, so they are a little vain. But they are entertaining. TRUTH: They are loud, they are egotistical, and VERY vain. Period. It ceases to be entertaining. This is how they really are. It's called "narcissism" or simply put, "self-centered."
2. They are usually always right, and shun any opposition to the contrary. Yet these same blowhards when they get disapproved of, then turn around and kiss the ass of the people who don’t bow down to them. They take abuse as much as they dish out. Illusion: Some can seem to be very self-effacing at times, which is nothing more than a feigned humility designed to have you believe they might be really human, or they are digging for compliments. But more often than not, they over-estimate their talents, skills, aptitude or sex appeal and find it incredulous that anyone else may either think that A) They are superior to them or B)That they are full of shit, period. TRUTH: They always think they are right-and that will include against you, too. They are filled with false humility to manipulate you, and they ARE full of shit. We all want Mr. Right. He's Mr. Always Right. You can never win with him.
Illusion: He's had a lot of people really hurt and fuck him over.
TRUTH: When you see his egotism, you think he’s just “fronting” and that he’s “not really like that.” So you might joke with him about it-but his eyes cloud over with ire when you do. He then files that away as something to manipulate you with later, by suggesting that the ego you know and love is all smoke and mirrors, created when other woman hurt him. But he keeps haughtily reacting to things like a spoiled brat most the time. So if he is also spinning stories now of all the other grief’s he’s had with people- the alienations, the fights, the tit for tat’s, the drama’s with friends, co-workers, family, etc-that’s a sign. Many of his relationships are extremely tumultuous but he is always justified in his position of being “right.”TRUTH: He's always got problems with people, because he's an asshole.
Illusion: They are insecure, and care about what you and others think of them. They may even tell you repeatedly, "I care what you think about me."
TRUTH: They act like and “front” as if they don’t care what others think of them, but in reality, these people care more than any other type of person on the planet how others perceive them. They just don’t care back. This is because they can only see themselves through what is being reflected back to them. So, when under duress, and someone is disapproving or unaccepting of them-they either strive to win that person over and change the reflection, or they turn on that person-who they may have considered their best friend earlier that morning-on a dime, and filled with an inappropriate- for- the situation rage, hate and begin to blame the other person for all the reasons that are causing the person not to like them. They cannot accept criticism, no matter how nicely or delicately it is presented to them, and if they must-such as in a employer/employee relationship, they seethe with the criticism and then take it out on all those around them. However in their minds, anyone in a position of power and authority above them “loves them” and is “my best work friend.” Their boss “adores” them. The delusions of their own grandeur are intense, but the frightening thing is-they truly believe it. Anyone who tries to suggest otherwise is just “jealous”.
Illusion: They are great friends to have. They will tell you stories about their buddies and how helpful and "there" for them they are.
TRUTH: They are snakes- in- the- grass sort of friends and will backstab people at the least provocation-yet never confront them to their face. They orchestrate smear campaign against their friends (and eventually you) that have made them mad. Their friend could’ve just beaten him at pool, and you’ll get an angry diatribe of why that guy is a loser. They will also use any of your mutual friends to speak their “truth” for them. You will often learn of their no-good deeds or thoughts of you through others that know him. However, they will not think he means harm, or that he is a bad guy. He’s being very passive aggressive. He’s the greatest friend in the world to his friend’s faces-only you know of his hypocrisies behind their backs. He will use them as mouthpieces for himself, if he thinks that he can do so without drawing attention to his true motives with you.
Illusion: People who talk badly about him, are lying, have an agenda, are jealous, or have been "dumped" by him.
TRUTH: If you were to confront him on this and ask him about things you hear, he will angrily rage that “this isn’t high school”-thereby making you feel foolish for giving any credence to “the gossip.“ He has effectively turned your attention away from any rumors about him that are less than flattering, by making you feel stupid for believing in THEM, and not HIM. That’s part of the breaking down of your confidence and part of the gas lighting that they do. Their ability to twist everything you perceive or question as truth is amazing. Your life with him is a licorice stick, a pretzel, a circus contortionist of reality. So, sign here: If people are telling you conflicted information about him, you are hearing stories about him other than what he has told you, and he is not angry at them, but rather you-your friends are the ones who are telling the truth. This should also be your first sign that he is planting seeds, designed to sprout “She’s psycho!” flowers later.
But you don't see the signs. You see it as "personality flaws"...after all, no one is perfect.....and the "good" seems to be superceeding the bad. Even though now he's pulling away. Because he is, any concerns you may have, intuitive nudges or wonderment of his "bad side" are shelved as you are now wondering why he is distancing himself. Though he's shown you a sweet, tender side, you see that he seems to have problems with others, but now you are focusing on the problem of why he came on so fast, so suddenly and strong-and now is starting to pull MIA's, and "weirdness."
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