On STALKING

I'm going to interrupt the accounting of the games, to bring you this message. Psychos are stalkers.

Now, many of them might infer that they think YOU are. The abusive man I was with did this to me for years. After he had borrowed money from me, promised to pay it back in a few days when I needed him to, and then disappeared for 3 weeks, sure, I "stalked him." Meaning I called, left texts that WENT UNANSWERED. He was MIA with my money. Now, I should've just chalked it up to good riddance and it just cost me 200.00 bucks to be rid of a piece of shit....but I was broke, he PROMISED and I was in extraordinary pain that he would do this to me. In any event, from there on, he called me "Psycho stalker."

When we got back "together" after a period of time apart, he would say things like "You know you were known as the Psycho Stalker, right?" When a friend of mine gave me a street sign of a major street that ran in thru my abuser's town, he did it, because I too, used to live there. So abusive boy said "What, did you get that when you were stalking me, ha ha?"

I told him I didn't want to meet him one night, as I was home reading a book. He texts me later to say "What book? Stalkers? Ha ha." Then proceeded to tell me-text me- that he was being followed, and asked me what kind of car I drove. I angrily told him to call my house phone to see where I am, get off the cocaine, and call me when he found his mind again. I then told him that I drove a silver Sportage. I didn't. But it was generic enough that I hoped everytime he'd see a silver small SUV, he'd be paranoid. Asshole. Play with my mind, indeed. He should've known my car. Shows you how much they pay attention. This of course happened after I truly did accidently run into him at a Walgreen's.

He had me SO convinced that I must be some sort of psycho stalker that it literally drove me crazy. This is gaslighting. It was absurd. I rarely called him. He always reached out to me. I gave up calling and texting when he didn't answer me. I let him come to me all the time. I didn't even know what his place looked like-I should say, mother's place. He LOST his home in a foreclosure and it wasn't cuz of a housing bubble.

Needless to say, I was pretty pissed off when I finally got a copy of his Order of Protection. Remember, he had told me about it. He told me it was for too many phone calls to a bitter ex barring him from his kids.Nope.

It was for stalking. For harrassment. Oh yeah, he called her. Relentlessly for almost a month. Drove by her home (there were witnesses) repeatedly and even admitted in a phone message that he had. He also tried to intimidate his then 4 year old son, to not like mom's new boyfriend. Told him "You can't like him. You can't have fun with him-only me. You can't play with him".

Hmmm. Yeah, he "omitted" all that. But you know, he didn't lie. And accussing me is projection at its finest.
To this day, he still tries to play this game-after I discovered this, he refused to speak to me. Immediatly told me to leave him alone he didn't want to talk to me. Started to try and make me be the harrasser.

These men do that. If you email them 5 times in a year-you are a stalker. You are "scaring" them. You are after them. You won't leave them alone. You are harrassing them. Even though they never gave you closure, won't answer to their wrongs, could give a shit that you are hurt-YOU are the stalker. Even if its been proven THEY are.

And they are. Right after this all blew up in my face-I will warn you, that nature abhors a vacume. We've often met abusers right after being abused by another. They serioiusly seem to smell it. So this guy from grade school found me on Facebook. He quickly went in for the kill with messages of "Can I call you to put a voice to that gorgeous face?" What did I tell you about "quickly". This was a HUGE red flag.

Because I was vulnerable, I did let him call me. I bitched about this last guy. He wanted to meet me and talk. I agreed to meet him for coffee, even though it was late. We were both out of work, so it didn't seem too weird. Oh, but was it. He lied and said something was wrong with his car (I later find out it was his roommate's car and that's why he couldn't drive to see me.) Something in my intuition went off. I nicely told him that I didn't think it would be a good idea to meet after all, and that I was sensing that he wanted more than just friends and I wasn't in a position for that right now. I appreciated his willingness to be their for me, but it was happening too fast and something told me to back off. No offense." Mind you-I talked to him once in 30 years.

He immediately texted me back and exploded in rage. He called me names I'd never even heard of. He accussed me of things I never even did. You would've thought we were dating and he just found me in bed with his best friend, that is how he reacted. And he wouldn't leave me alone. He texted me every 5 mintues, for days on end, until I almost considered changing my number. This as I am just coming out of the fog and reeling from the man I thought I had loved. He kept trying to re-ad himself on my Facebook when I deleted him. Finally, I blocked him. He contacted some of my friends from my friends list. He bothered one of them. I warned her about him and told him he was seriously disturbed. She said that she heard he was a nice guy. She wasn't romantically interested, but I did share with her the horrible text, the harrassing phone calls-and I mean harrassing. Not meant to work things out, but meant to scare me, to tell me that I will pay for "leading him on."

I finally talked to him and told him to fuck off. I explained myself-though I didn't need to-and told him that based on these events, I would not forgive this and move forward being his friend. He wanted me to forgive him and he gave me a list of excuses for why he went off and verbally abused me-someone he's not even seen in 30 years. I didn't ignore him, I gave him the attention he wanted-and when I was done, he said "What is your IQ? Its got to be like 180" and I never heard from him again.

I did however, just get an email from my friend that I warned. She told me that this guy is now stalking and harrassing another girl to a degree that not only is everyone talking about how psycho he is, but that her boyfriend is starting to really get pissed. Indeed, the boyfriend needs to step in and help this girl get a restraining order if he continues.

Point is: There is a difference between stalking, and "chasing" for closure. Some of us have done that. We cannot accept what's happened here, or that he is this man, or that he is cutting us off so coldly, with his emotional guiottine, and we emulate "stalking" in our quest to rid ourselves of the pain, for understanding, and to soften the blow of realizing we've just been involved with a sociopath.

THEY stalk to harrass, data gather, make you uncomfortable, because THEY can't let their power go, they can't believe ANYONE would reject them, they don't take rejection well, to show power and control. They really feel that if they can't have you, no one will. For some, this just means making you so damned uncomfortable or any man you are with that the guy will leave you, or will beat the shit out of him (then he wins in getting your new man in trouble) OR some are sick enough to kill you. To them, you are property. You don't have the right to move on with your life or god forbid, find happiness elsewhere. So, don't confuse REAL stalking with what we have all done, which is plead, beg and try and find sanity with a conversation and an ending to the nightmare we just went thru. Some shred of evidence that they are decent, human beings.

THESE MEN ARE THE STALKERS> if they talk it, they will stalk it.
I almost posted a picture of my abuser's Order of Protection. Its public record. I need to make sure the names can't be seen before I do. Not to protect his privacy, but his ex's and her childrens'. But you are free to look up your own abuser's past. I suggest that you do. Had I seen this 5 years ago, it might've spared me years of grief. And to the girl being currently stalked by that loser guy-call me. I will validate it. You are NOT crazy. He did it to me, too.