Revenge on a psycho-how being a woman is considered "revenge"

First, let me tell you something about being a woman.
Society is not happy with women being angry. We are called bitter, man-hating, lesbian, heartless feminist, irrational, PMSing, bi-polar, psycotic, sensitive, mood swinging, crazy, intense whack job coo- coo for cocoa puffs insane in the membrane disordered dysfunctional fridgid needs to- get- laid- go- eat-some -chocolate-not- getting- enough- cant- handle- rejection- straight- up insane out- of- our- minds- delirious- bunny- boiling- Lorena- Bobbit- wielding few- fries- short of- a- happy- meal- scary bitch. That’s the typical reaction to a woman who’s angry-particularly at shitty men.

Here’s what it’s also like to be a woman in this world:
If you are single without children after 30, there’s probably something wrong with you. If you have children before 30 and you aren’t married, then you aren’t as good of a woman as a woman who has children in wedlock. If you don’t want kids at all, you are less of a woman and there is something wrong with you. If you stay at home with your kids, you are not a strong, independent woman.
If you have kids and a career, you are not focused on your children, you are selfish and materialistic. If you choose to have your kids live with another for their benefit, you will be seen as a bad mother who doesn’t care about her kids and “left“ them, even if you do what every divorced guy does, which is see them during the week and on weekends.
If you are a single mother and go out and date, you are a bad mom for not sitting at home watching TV all night instead of cavorting around. If you are married too young, you are doomed to have it fail. If you are married and don’t have sex with your man all the time in all freaky ways, he will cheat. If you are not happy in your relationship and you end up cheating, you’re a whore. If you sleep with a man with a spouse or girlfriend, you are a home wrecker.
If you sleep with a man too soon, or just want a man soley for sex, you are “easy” and “cheap” and a “slut.”
If you are in a power position in your career, you are a closet lesbian. If you are in a power position or have your own wealth, you are a “ball buster” and men will be intimidated by you and not want to be with you.
If you are too beautiful, men are intimidated and women hate you, and you are vacuous and shallow. If you aren’t beautiful then you are desperate for any man to come along and “have you.“ If you are thin you must have an eating disorder, if you are overweight, you must have a self esteem disorder and a food addiction.

If you are assertive and stand up for yourself, you are a bitch. If you are nice and caring and giving, you are a people pleaser, doormat or codependent. I’m not sure when compassion, empathy, kindness and love became a “psychological disorder”, such as “co-dependency”, but it has. (Frankly, this “disorder” is created by the abuser themselves, co-dependency becomes the coping mechanism for dealing with the abuse. I don’t necessarily believe you are “co-dependant” first, I believe co dependency develops to cope with the abuse.)
If you are highly intelligent and utilize rational, critical thinking and logic, you are too “manly”. If you don’t like make up and you love sports, you are a tom boy or lesbian. If you like make up too much, then you are insecure and cater to men’s sexual whims and play the sex card for attention. If you say no to a guy, then you are a tease. If you say yes to a guy, then you were too available. If you have small breast, you probably have a complex about it and secretly envy all women with boobs. If you have large boobs, they are probably fake and no one feels embarrassed asking you if your tits are real or not. If your boobs are not real, then the list of adjectives to describe your psyche could fill up this entire blog.

If you enjoy eating a hamburger with a beer, you are hedonistic and a “party girl”, if you’d rather have a salad and a water, you are stereotypical, “unreal” and high maintanence. If you are with a man who has money and you are highly attractive, you are a gold digger. If you are white with a black man, you are a trophy.
If you are black with a white man, you are denying and a hater of your own race. If you are with a man who has money and you are not highly attractive, then they question HIM and his sexuality. If you are with a man and you are highly attractive and he gives you money, then you are using him and a gold-digger. If you are with a man and you are not highly attractive and he gives you money then you are a whore. If you are highly attractive and with a man with no money, then he must rock you in bed. If you are not highly attractive and you are with a man with no money, then like attracts like. If you have all the money and he doesn’t-then he must be using you.You're a sugar mama. Attractive or not.

The list about us as women goes on. And it’s all negative. No matter what you do as a woman-there will be others who will find fault-and a lot of it. Granted, things such as affairs, whether you are the cheater or the mistress, is not right. Yet women are maligned for this far more than men. It is all the negative slant of society basically telling us that we can’t seem to do anything right, that makes it all the more easier for an abusive man to infiltrate and do the same thing. He’s got the whole culture backing him up.

When you accept this-you are then in a position to stand up to this. Yes, it’s unfair. Yes, it prejudicial and ridiculous. Yes, it ought to be changed. But if we live our lives in fear of our image to the world, afraid of what we will be perceived as, we will not be happy. And we end up in the clutches of these bad men who take all of the above, and use it to their psychological advantage. These are keys on his ring of evil, the flagstones he uses to create a pathway you will walk down with your head hung low. You’re a dead woman walking if you march down that path.

Only recently have we even been able to vote, smoke in public or support ourselves outside of a marriage. We’ve come a long way, but being angry is NOT something we are allowed to be outside of closed doors, much less inside. I don’t care what color you are. I don’t care what your culture is. I don’t care if socially it is more acceptable in your particular ethnicity to not be angry, than in another’s. WOMEN HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE ANGRY. We have the right to expose these men.

The only reason we are willing to “protect” them is that
1) We are still holding on to the idea that maybe it will change and we can be happy ever after, so we don’t want to do anything that they may hate us for and drive away forever
2) Because they have brainwashed us into believing we are the psychos in the movies and on the news and we don’t want him or anyone else believing that we are “psycho”
3) Because socially we don’t want to be perceived as a psycho and out of control like they’ve set us up to be and look
4) Because anger is empowering, intimidating and IT STOPS ABUSE. No one is going to mess with the woman who lets it be known she can’t be messed with. This is where you MUST, even if you FAKE it, tell yourself that you don’t deserve it, even if you “let it happen”, you are worth more, you have RIGHTS to your feelings. You have a RIGHT TO YOUR ANGER. He cannot control your feelings. And if you are secure in that, you don’t care WHAT the rest of the world thinks. The people who truly love you and know your soul, understand. They wont abandon you or leave you for asserting yourself. Even if aggressively. Because look girlfriend you tried all the “assertive” stuff, and it didn’t work. Its like trying to fend off a gunslinger with a toothpick. Your attempts at diplomacy, your attempts to appear rational, sane and controlled as he appears FAILED, and typically backfired on you.

I am NOT encouraging revenge. I am not encouraging you to harm him, or yourself in the process, to do anything illegal, immoral or beneath you to “teach him a lesson.” I don’t believe that “revenge” fixes anything and will often leave you feel worse about yourself, for being “that girl.” What I am encouraging you to do is to leave him, and to express why. DON’T keep his secrets. If he’s kept you like a dirty little mistress in his life, even when you have been the MAIN WOMAN in his life- expose it. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t want to make a man happy. But you realize, you can’t make anyone happy. That’s the fallacy of happiness. Now, back to the psycho games.